Illegitimate Guilt || Jotakak

430 12 20
                                    

Ah, so this will be another angst-ridden chapter.  Sorry about that.   It's also kind of short and all over the place lmao  

Enjoy

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  For what seemed like the billionth time, Noriaki Kakyoin has found himself curled up in his room, on his bed, crying.  He quietly let out soft sobs as he clung to one of his pillows.  

  He hated feeling like this.  He was usually a lot more open about his feelings than other people, but this even for him was a little excessive.  He was almost suprised at himself, but he didn't really care.  He was by himself, and nobody could see him.  That's all that mattered.  Crying was important, right?  It was normal, right? 

   Noriaki stares at his bedroom wall, trying to take a few deep breaths and trying to calm down.  Whatever he did, he could not take his mind off Jotaro.  He was so confused and unsure of what to do.  Another deep breath.  Maybe he could think this out logically.  

  It started around two weeks ago, when Kakyoin started to notice Jotaro avoiding him.  He let out another shaky breath, remembering the cold look he gave him once in their school's hallway.  It was during a small break in-between classes, during which Jotaro and he usually talked and procrastinated getting to their next class.  One or the other would usually sneak a quick kiss on the cheek or a peck on the lips, just enough to flusture the other. 

  But this time, it was different.  Kakyoin was glad to get a few moments in with Jotaro.  He wasn't exactly the best student, and although he tried to remain patient, he usually got bored in the class and stopped paying attention.  So the short break was nice.  

   The red-haired male gladly walked out of class after the bell rang, and quickly spotted his boyfriend.  He grinned, starting to run up to him.  Even though the time was short, even the brief moments together made his day.   He felt a buzz of excitement run through him until he was stopped by an emotionless stare by the other male.  His body seemed to go numb.  

  Had he done something wrong?  Was it starting to get too obvious the two were dating?  Maybe he was having a bad day.. 

   That was just the beginning, though.  So Kakyoin decided to ask to hang out, which the two were doing clearly less of.  It hurt a little to have to ask, as one usually they hung out after school which, clearly, they have been doing less of.  

  His heart nearly burst when Jotaro didn't decline.  He was so glad that he was up for it, and most of his doubt nearly melted away.  

  That day gave him hope that maybe, just maybe, his beloved Jotaro wasn't mad at him for some reason.  But when they were finally together in Kakyoin's place, it was clear something was off.  Nori didn't exactly consider himself super observant person, but he could read a person decently.  

   And Jotaro- by far- is the most difficult person to read. 

  He thought everything would be okay.  That everything would be fine.  But he just felt dread, and the feeling of despair that grew in his stomach just got worse throughout the time he was over.  Jotaro was sickeningly quiet, compared to how open he got when around Kakyoin.  

  It was usually so easy to start a conversation with him.  And even when silence fell, it was comfortable.  This time, he struggled desperately to keep it afloat.  Eventually he just gave up, allowing tension filled quiet fill up the room.  

  Let's just say Jotaro left early that day. 

  They haven't really talked since.  

  Kakyoin felt more warm tears roll down his cheeks, squeezing his eyes shut.  He'd sleep an think it over in the morning.  

  He didn't want to think about this anymore.

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