WordAficionado's OC
Name: Emma May Hafeld
Age: 14 same as my OC!
Race: Muggleborn witch/human Yay a muggleborn!
Wand: 10 1/3 inches, applewood, dragon heartstring core, very flexible, and has a delicate, toasty brown coloured appearance. Also has a gentle spiderweb pattern along the broad handle.
(Her core is specifically 2 Hungarian Horntail heartstrings) Ok. Spiderweb thing is cool! But is there a specific reason why it has two cores?
Patronus: Jellyfish OH MA WORD I LOVE JELLYFISH. Was actually my OC's patronus as well at one point, but I changed it lol.
Time Period: First year is in 1990 and last year is in 1997 O.O
Hogwarts House: Ravenclaw k Emma and my OC are in the exact same year and house! Oh ma word! :
Height: 5"4 (grows to be 5"6) same height too lol (sorry I'll stop)
Weight: 129lbs good.
Appearance: Curly, chestnut brown hair takes the form of loose ringlets and falls to her shoulders. Her eyes are a warm brown and her skin is a bit darker than most, due to her Cree background. Also has acne scars on her cheeks. Ooh she sounds pretty. Are the scars her only physical flaw though?
Notable Features: Nothing in particular das ok
Personality: A bit quiet at first, but has strong opinions and is prideful, whether she realizes it or not. Hated being underestimated, and likes to have plans for everything even though she rarely sticks to them. Very independent, hardworking and doesn't like to rely on anyone. Is also immensely creative and inventive, along with intelligent but not obscurely. I think this is pretty well balanced, but I feel like you need to add one or two more likeable traits.
Friends:
Jayden Conf (Other OC; Cousin; Slytherin)
Mia Turnine (Other OC; Ravenclaw)
Luna Lovegood
Love Interest: Mia Turnine I'm seeing a lot of lesbian/homosexual Ocs recently...
Close Family:
Sara Hafeld (Mother; Muggle)
Shawn (Father; Muggle)
Clarice Conf (Auntie; Muggle)
Andrew Conf (Uncle; Pureblood)
Jayden Conf (Cousin; Halfblood)
Felix Conf (Cousin; Halfblood)
Heather Conf (Cousin; Halfblood).
Ooh, forgot to ask the other person who did a gay OC too, but how do her friends and family feel about her sexuality? Do they accept it, or are they angry about it?
Other:
- Wants to be a professor after she graduates.
- Has a brown Maine Coon cat named Nutmeg. Ooh maine coons are nice
Ok. First things first. Where's the backstory? And her fears? The fears thing I can let slide but the backstory is necessary for me to properly review a character, and for writing a character into a story. Where did she come from? O.O I don' know...you missed a lot of key parts of the form >.<
I think this OC is off to a pretty good start, but she needs some more depth (and a backstory), especially if you're writing a story where she's the main character, right? Her backstory helps people to know the reason why she does things, and how she became the person she is. It makes her more relatable, and her personality, with reason, becomes more than adjectives. Like I said, you're off to a good start with making a balanced, original character (unique wand, patronus, appearance, she has a family with names XD) but she needs more development and depth, and another good personality trait or two. I love that you've obviously put thought and time into her character though, and how you actually described her wand in detail, beyond wood, core and length. Plus jellyfish! I love jellyfish! They are literally one of my favorite animals of all time.
Also, might want to be careful with the double strings in the core thing...I don't think I've ever seen that in the canon Harry Potter universe, which makes it kind of a Mary-Sue thing. You could get away with it, I suppose, but probably best to do some research about wand-cores and stuff just to be sure it's actually possible. ;) And last thing, though this is a little nit-picky, so don't take this to heart unless you really care about wand-lore--flexibility in a wand I've heard resembles the flexibility of the wandholder's personality, and being Emma seems to have strong opinions about what she wants and how she does things, a very flexible wand doesn't seem to suit her personality. Just a nit-pick though!
% Mary Sue: 50% Great start, original character appearance and personality, but rather lacking in depth... Needs backstory, fears, and preferences.
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