The Atlas Of Love

- seven -

Madison and I decided to meet up near the entrance after her classes ended. Dean and I were out together the whole time waiting for her.

I texted Nick and Kara and informed them about how the plan unfolded.

Dean and I were seated on this bench in front of the super grand fountain that graced our college entrance.

"You know. I've been meaning to talk to you about something." Dean said, suddenly turning all serious.

"Yeah? Go ahead." My heart hammered inside my chest.

I kind of had an idea as to what this conversation was leading to. It had been delayed earlier too, but it seemed to me that there was no stopping it this time. No one to come in between and stop us from talking about it.

"I'm sorry." He spoke.

I looked at him in confusion, my hands finding their way to intertwine with his.

"Back on that day when I kissed you.." A smile played on his face.

I was reminded of what I felt in that very moment and found it hard to not smile.

"I hated myself. I thought you wouldn't kiss me back and that it'd be the end of the wonderful friendship we've had over the years. I thought I was making the same mistake Xander made." He frowned this time, probably thinking of the unpleasant memory from high school.

"Dean." I sighed. "I'm sorry you had to feel that way. But hey, no matter what happens, if ever things don't work out between us I'll still be your friend."

He let out a low chuckle. "You know, that's what makes it even harder for me. Knowing that you'd be around but not mine to hold on to."

"Dean." I cupped his cheek.

"Look, we're just starting off and I don't want you to be feeling this way already, alright? I can assure you that you won't ever have to worry about losing me as a friend."

I knew that I wasn't giving him the answers he wanted. But I can't force myself to feel a certain way about someone or something.

Sure, I love Dean as a friend. I'm beginning to like him a lot in a different way too, but I am not in a place where I'm ready to make any decisions about us.

Years of friendship, a couple of passionate kisses and flirty conversations suddenly didn't seem enough.

"What if you didn't kiss me back that day? Do you think things would be different?" He smirked, an unfamiliar glint in his eyes.

"I guess things would be awkward for a while but it shouldn't change whatever we have had over the years." I smiled, and he did the same.

"What would be awkward?"

Both our faces turned pale on hearing this. We turned to find Xander standing in front of us, with Madison trailing not far behind him.

"Nothing." I replied.

I saw how his gaze fell to our hands briefly before sighing and turning to pull Madison closer.

I didn't let go of Dean's hand. I don't think there's any point in hiding anything anymore.

Dean nodded at me understandingly before we both stood up, his hands protectively draped over my shoulder.

"Shall we get going then?" I asked Madison.

"Yeah." She smiled ecstatically, pecking Xander's cheek before walking towards us.

Xander showed us his half-smile, revealing his dimple and waving at us.

Dean informed us that he was going to get his car and asked us to wait by the gates.

We just waited silently, occasionally sharing awkward eye contacts and fake smiles.

Socializing never felt so hard.

I mentally cheered when I saw Dean's car pull up in front of us.

I got in the back seat with Madison, still not being able to think of any appropriate topic to strike up a conversation.

"Hey." Madison finally spoke, taking me by surprise but I managed to respond with a normal hum.

"Don't get me wrong, but I've never really pictured you to be so calm and cool and down to earth. I mean Xander talked about you occasionally and I heard about your achievements in college already so I just thought maybe you'd be a little different." Madison explained.

Xander occasionally talks about me? I wonder what he says to her about me.

Oh, J is annoying at times but she makes the best ramen.

J's a pain in the ass but she's the only one who comes out to talk to me at 3 in the morning when I can't sleep.

I laughed at her statement, honestly feeling a little uncomfortable.

Dean also seemed to look uncomfortable, clearing his throat every now and then.

"So, you don't like basketball?" I asked, trying to shift the mood inside the car.

I don't really like having all the attention on me and my past. I am content with what I have now, who I have and how life is.

I didn't want to talk about all those things with Dean around. Dean and I are just starting off and I'm scared that I'll mess things up.

"Um, not really. I'm not into sports." She replied, not looking up from her phone.

I heard Dean tsking and looking up at me from the rear view mirror.

Before I could think of another topic to end the awkwardness, we heard something hard collide with the car and shrieked in horror, looking outside.

Within a few seconds, we heard the front door being opened and a very tired looking Xander slides in, heavily panting.

"Dude what the actual fuck." Dean looked like he was about to throw a punch on his face.

"Change of plans." He turned back looking at the two of us.

____________

Hey y'all. So my break ended up extending to two more weeks. Ehehehe. I'm sorry..?
Gospel camp was really refreshing and I wanted to take some more time for myself after that but I realized that I couldn't be that selfish cause I know there are SOME of you who might've been waiting for an update and so I'm back.
You'll be reading from me again on Thursday so let me not stretch this that far but I love you all! - m.