The Atlas Of Love

- twenty one -

Paris was awesome. It was everything I imagined it to be.

The city was beautiful, the people were beautiful and everything was just so perfect about it.

After dinner that night, Xander and I decided to head back to the hotel because we were both tired and we wanted to be fully energized to explore Paris the next day.

The walk seemed to be shorter than earlier, but every second excited me. Couples were walking around hand in hand, the streetlights illuminated the street with a beautiful yellowish glow and everything about the city was just romantic.

Xander laughed at how I managed to be amazed by everything in sight. "Geez, close your mouth J", he teased.

I rolled my eyes at this, shoving him further away from me. He let out a snort. "I haven't seen you be this happy since highschool. It's nice to see that same smile on your face." He said, ruffling my hair and looking away quickly before I could look up at him.

Are you sure it's just my smile? A little voice in my head said.

"I've been dreaming to come here ever since I can remember. Isn't it just normal for me to be this happy?" I smiled.

He nodded with a satisfied smile plastered on his face. "I'm glad you're happy." He suddenly stopped on his track, looking forward.

I stopped and followed his gaze. "J, are you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"Hmm?" I looked at him, totally confused.

"Race you to the lobby loser!" he poked his tongue out, running ahead of me.

"Xander! You loser! Wait up!" I laughed, running as fast as I could to catch up with him.

By the time I entered the lobby, Xander got the keys and was running towards the elevator. Darn it! I knew the doors would've closed before I could even get close to them so I didn't waste any time in running towards the stairs.

By the time I had reached the third floor, I had lost a lot of energy and all I wanted to do was jump on the bed and get some good rest.

I was panting hard and walking with my hands on my hips for support when I saw Xander leaning on the door with a smug smile on his face. "Welcome home, ma reine." He dramatically bowed, holding the door open for me to enter.

I didn't even have enough energy to laugh at him anymore. I just flashed him a really tired smile and headed inside, sitting down on the couch. He locked the door behind him, walking straight to the fridge and getting two bottles of beer before sitting down next to me.

He opened the bottles and handed one over to me. "Thanks." I sat up, gulping it down to regain the energy I had lost from racing him.

We sat in silence, both leaning back on the couch in our dimly lit room.

"Have you ever thought we'd still do this after whatever happened back then?" He asked, turning his head to face me.

I stared at him for a while without uttering a word.

"No." I said with a lazy smile.

"Neither did I. But I'm glad we made it this far." He winked.

I scrunched my nose.

"Did you ever hate me?" He asked again.

This made me think.

"I don't know. I don't think I did. I mean, you were not at fault. We both just happened to grow apart and if you remember, the decision was mutual." I cleared my throat, trying to push the memories of those sleepless nights away from myself.

"Yeah, but maybe I made you feel that way. Honestly, I was angry at you. I couldn't understand why that had to happen. I thought I'd get over it with time, but you were always around and it made it fucking hard for me." He gulped down his beer and kept the bottle on the table.

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?" I was confused now.

He shrugged. "I thought it was too soon, and then you moved on. So I just said nothing and I guess I got used to it." He frowned.

"Xander, why are you bringing this up now? Do you miss Madison or something?" I chuckled.

"God, no. J, why can't you get it?" He ran his fingers through his hair, sighing.

Get what???

"I'm telling you, Jane Park, I miss what we had." He looked up at me.

"Oh, that. I miss it too." I gave him a tight-lipped smile, breaking eye-contact.

"You do?" He smirked.

I nodded, my heartbeat speeding up rapidly for some reason.

He clenched his jaw, shifting in seat so that his whole body was facing me now.

I turned my head back to look at him and it was then I realized how close he was to me. One wrong move and only God knows what could happen next.

He stared at me without saying anything and I did the same.

"They were right. You're the only one who can make me feel this way J." He laughed, getting up from the couch.

I rubbed my nape nervously, feeling uneasy.

"Uh, Xander I'm just going to take a shower now." I said, rushing to get my things from the bedroom and running inside the luxurious bathroom.

I sat in silence, trying to enjoy my bubble bath but my thoughts kept drifting towards what could've happened outside with Xander.

Why is he doing this to me? Why does he keep confusing me with everything he does?

"Uh, J." He called out from outside, breaking my chain of thoughts.

"Yeah?" I yelled back.

"Your phone is ringing."

"Do you mind answering it for me?" I asked.

"I kinda don't want to." He sounded dejected.

Could it be Madison?

"What do you mean Xander? Who is it?" I tipped my head back, rolling my eyes.

"Uh, it's Dean." Oh.

"...with a heart emoji next to it."

Crap.

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Happy new year my loves!