Someone Else's Diary

24. You what??

'Memories come with manufacturing dates, Promises come with an expiry date'.

Mariam

'I won't get to see you again' I whispered looking down at my wedding ring.

"It's okay Mariam death is Allah's wish, we have no right to blame."

Amina's hands caress my back up and down but her own eyes are tinged red. I shut my eyes hard and squeeze out the tears, I could no longer stay patient.

I ran inside my room and pushed each and everything on the shelf. The flower vase fell and shattered to fumes of sharp pricking atoms of minute glass pieces like how my heart felt right now.

My frustration is paramount. My inner demons growing without any bounds ripping out each and everything inside me. I scream at the huge portrait of my husband. As someone hugs me from behind tightly almost crushing me inside their body.

"I'm here why are you screaming?"

the same familiar masculine voice rings in my ear.

"Mariam look at me."

He cupped my face in his and kissed my tears.

"It's okay I'm here just look at me!"

He says so softly almost whispering.

"I'm scared to open," I say with cracking voice clutching at the duvet.

He snuggles inside with the tip of his nose grazing my jawline.

"Zahran..actually you were....not," I whisper searching for words to explain trying to contemplate about my dream.

"It's okay you don't have to talk about it," He says raising his head from me.

I put my hands over his body and run my fingers through his hair.
He soon falls asleep over me with his weight sinking me into the bed.

I slowly open my eyes to steal a glance of Zahran, but it was very dark only the lights from the tall skyscrapers of Edinburgh outside reflected on our long glassed windows. After some time I slowly removed his hands from my body and untangled his legs from mine, I sat up on the bed with the duvet pooling down at my waist I immediately covered my body with my hands as I reached to take Zahran's shirt which hung over the recliner beside the bed.

I wore it to cover my almost bare body even though the shirt was oversized.

I crossed my arms across my chest tight as possible and walked out to the balcony and rested the back of my elbows above the glassed handrail and my other hand cupping my cheek for some support.
I bit my inner side of the cheek thinking how worse every day went.

He still didn't tell me about my mum's death nor he told me who's phone number it was.

He could be such a pain in the ass sometimes, the air blew so forcefully and it got colder I hugged his shirt for warmth which is basically hugging my own self. I walked back to my room it was already half past four in the morning. I prayed Fajr and sat beside Zahran as I was about to wake him up. His lashes slowly fluttered open and he eventually smiled which got reflected on my lips, I smiled back whispering

"You looked so peaceful at sleep, I didn't want to wake you!"

He got up slowly and kissed the corner of my lips and sat up gazing at me up and down. Oh, I was still wearing his shirt.

"It looks nice on you more than it does for me!" He said pulling me into his lap.

I turned crimson biting the side of my lower lips.