Beaches

twelve

(song for chapter: Yellow Light - Of Monsters And Men )

"So what do you wanna do?" He asks.

I look at him the same way I looked at him last time. I don't know what this is. I've never felt this before. I don't know how to stop it. I don't speak, which is an answer in itself. He doesn't ask again. We sit and stare, exploring each others faces with our eyes. I find small details in his eyes that only make my heart beat faster. My hands and knees are shaking but I don't think he notices. I wonder if my breath still smells of alcohol. I wonder what his lips would feel like. In this moment, nothing else matters.

His hand touches mine. My heart beats out of my chest. I feel his breathing.

What is this?

He gives me a small smile and I can't help but do the same. I want to be here forever with him. I don't want to go back to my room or to another party or ... to another bottle. I want to stay.

"D-do you want this?" He mumbles.

"Yes." I whisper.

His cheeks turn bright red. I think he's beautiful, my mouth won't let me say it. I hold his hand. Our fingers intertwine. His eyes meet mine. We both move closer. I push my lips onto his. I close my eyes. His lips are soft and they taste like his chapstick. He kisses me back. When we pull away, we smile at each other. He puts his hands on the back of my neck and pulls me into more kisses. He leans back onto his pillow and I'm hovering over him giving soft kisses and his legs are on either side of me. I study his face more when we pull away. He keeps his hands on my neck. I play with his hair and smile. We kiss more and eventually I'm laying down with my head on his chest. He's playing with my hair now.

"Have you ever kissed a boy?" I ask.

"Nope." He says. "Have you?"

I shake my head.

"Do you regret it?" He asks.

I don't think twice. "No, do you?"

"No." He replies just as quickly as I did.

Then there's a knock at the door. We quickly slide off the bed and sit on the floor and go on my phone while Tyler opens the door. It's Nathan.

"Hey guys." He says.

"Hey." Tyler says, sitting back on the bed.

I can tell he's nervous, I am too. Nathan doesn't notice.

"Do you guys wanna hang out? The girls went to the mall of course." He says.

I look up at Tyler. I hold back a laugh and he does the same. Then he turns to Nathan and says yes. We go downstairs and sit on the couch. Nathan picks out a movie. I still think about what happened with Tyler and me.

...

Tyler fell asleep half way through the movie. When Nathan goes back to his room I pull a blanket over Tyler and kiss his head. He smiles. eyes still closed and I grab a plastic bag before going back upstairs. I hear him turn over on the couch right before I walk into my room. I sigh and get down on my knees. Bottles and cans packed together under my bed. Some are empty and some have a bit left in them. I shove them all into the bag. I go downstairs to throw them out. Tyler left the couch. He's probably up in his room. I quickly run outside to put the bag in the garbage and run back to my room.