Would You Look At The Time (Book One)

This is tough for me

     Sebastian left a few hours later. He packed his clothes and headed out the door of our room. He turned with his hand keeping the door open.

     "I love you," He said. I nodded, not wanting to return those three words. He left and the door came to a close, leaving me in an empty hotel room.

     An hour later I texted Sebastian the only word I knew that could describe my love for him.
Me
Okay?

     I sat on the balcony as I waited for him to text back. The pool below looked nice and a flash from last night clouded my vision. It was so fun, I was in love with him. Completely head over heels.
Sebastian
Okay.

     I checked my phone and smiled. He knew what I had texted him. He knew the power that that word possessed.

     As the sun went down clouds rolled in and I felt my arms prickle with goosebumps. I stood reluctantly and trodded inside. I slid the glass door back into place and locked it. My legs felt heavy and when I laid down on the unmade bed I felt like I had just lifted boulder off of my chest. I felt light, like a piece of paper blowing through the wind. I crawled into bed, letting the cool sheets wrap around me. I fell asleep early that night.

     The next day was more eventful. I decided that today would be my last day here. I went to Barnes and Noble and scowered the three story bookshop. Being surrounded by books reminded me of how much I missed working at that bookstore in New York. The smell and feel of the pages between your fingers and the weight of the book in your hand was a rather familiar feeling. I read a lot when I was younger, I still do but I have less time. I remember when I was thirteen I made my goal for that year to read fifty books. I unsurprisingly surpassed my goal by eighteen books. That year I had read the most books I have ever read in a year, sixty-eight. But, then life got complicated and homework and getting a job and good grades to get into college and sex and drugs and clothes and appearences. Tenth grade was when I lost it. It was the first time I ran away from home with a few supplies stuffed into a bag. Clothes, books and money were the only things I needed. I only made it to a small town that I had to say, I loved. It was a small yet highly populated town with many tourists scowering the beaches and boardwalk. The town's name was Santa Cruz. I still miss that place. But, then the police found me and hauled me back to home. I didn't try running away until after high school graduation.

     I picked a few books and read their summaries before setting them in a pile at my feet. After a few hours of shopping I stood in line with ten or so books scrunched between my chin and my arms. The cashier looked at me like a mad man. Finally the total was 85$. It was no biggy, I saved money specifically for books.

     I drove off back to the hotel and crammed the books into my suitcase after starting one of them. It was called Radiance and it was about a girl who died and went to the afterlife and how death wasn't so bad after all.

     I took a shower and changed into something more suitable before walking to the hospital. I sat in a soft leather chair for only a few minutes before someone approached me.

     "Ms. Bernard?" The same tall blonde nurse from yesterday asked. I nodded and she led me to my father's room. My mother smiled almost apologetically at me before leaving the room, giving us privacy.

     "Hey dad," I ended the silence. He turned his head slowly towards me with a weak smile plastered to his face.

     "Hey Pinky," He replied. I smiled and wrapped his hand in mine.

     "I love you. You know that right?" I asked.

     "Of course I do darling," I smiled and stared into his dry and pain filled eyes. They were a green-brown and I could see the tears welling up underneath his eyelid before spilling over and trickling down his cheek.