The Weakness

17

I sat in a tree, my head in my hands. "Stop, Erin. Calm down." I groaned, breathing hard. The small island I had landed on was nearly half frozen and I had been here for a day.
Odin was right. I'm uncontrollable.
Dammit, Erin! Are you going to let that old crackpot tell you what you are? He isn't controlling you anymore.
I cried out in frustration at my conflicting spirit. What in Asgard is wrong with me? I shook my head and opened my eyes, looking up.
The ice was melting, the water evaporating into thin air. I blinked and raised my hand. Everything stopped moving. The ice stopped melting, the wind stopped blowing, and even the crests of the waves froze over.
My hand began to turn blue, and my breath quickened. I panicked and swiped my hand across the air. The ice and flew out into the water, melting in the warm ocean.
I had to control this. There wasn't another option. I had to prove to Thor that I wasn't what Odin thought I was, and I had to prove to Loki that I wasn't against him.
But how on Midguard could I do both of them?!?! Everything came out in one frustrated sort of roar, like "RRRAAARRGGHH!!!" Ice shot from my hands and cut down a tree. I sighed and plopped onto the sand, splaying my arms out like a toddler making a snow angel.
I stared up at the stormy sky, no doubt Thor's doing. I don't blame the guy; he lost both of his 'siblings' in the same day.
I watched as the lightning jumped from cloud to cloud, as if fighting to reach the ground. Thunder boomed and rain began to fall. I got up and went back to my tree, climbing up and sitting in the branches, sheltered from the rain.
I pulled my knees to my chest and wished for my armor. It was the most familiar thing to Asgard I had, and it had been stripped of me during my time at S.H.I.E.L.D.
I clenched my teeth. That wretched place. And they possessed the tesseract, as well. Stupid mortals. They didn't know what they were getting in to. The tesseract had the power to control one's mind. But all they wanted it for was power. To intimidate the other Realms.
I shook my head and shivered. If they can use the tesseract the way they use Gamma Radiation....they need to be stopped. Shown their rightful place.
I clenched my teeth, cursing myself. Rightful place? Where on Asgard did that kind of thinking come? the mortals are simply foolish. They'll be around for a much shorter time than me.
But they sure as hell can make a big uproar.
"Focus, Erin." I muttered. "You need to focus on controlling this." I blinked hard, leaning back up against the tree trunk and staring up at the stormy sky.
It took me about 6 months, but I could finally get a grip on the monster inside me. It took 6 more just to be able to keep myself from turning Frost Giant every time I used my power. And then, for the next 10, 11 months, I did something is never done before.
I relaxed.
The entire time, I was always doing something, though. I couldn't find it in me to do nothing every minute. Though on the occasions I wasn't doing anything, I would stare up at the sky, thinking Heimdall would see me looking. It made me long to be home, but also long for revenge.
Revenge against Odin for banishing me.
Revenge on the mortals for torturing me.
And revenge on Loki for causing all of it.
I couldn't help but think about that odd emotion that was in his eyes, the one that was so uncommon. I'd never seen it.
But the words he said cleared up my confusion.
"I love you."
I never got the chance to tell him. He was gone before I knew what the words meant. Love was such a frail, odd thing.
I'd seen it in Odin's eyes for Thor, and in Frigga's for Loki.
But no one had ever shown me any love, any affection. I was always left out, but I was always the one to end Loki and Thor's playful arguments, their scuffles before dinner more recently. When we were small children, we all got along. When we reached the Midguardian 'teenage' years, Thor rose and Loki fell. I was still the same, still the peacemaker between my brothers.
No one said they cared about me. No one said they loved me.
But Loki always showed his caring for me. While Thor was with Odin, we'd be in his room, sharing moments, sharing regrets.
Sharing sympathy.
Loki was always there. And now he was gone, fallen into an abyss. He left me behind, but he said he loved me.
How am I supposed to react? to everything?
Odin said I was his daughter; he stole me from Jotunheim.
Thor claims to care; where was he when I was banished?
Loki says he loves me; then falls into a black hole, leaving me alone.
Is everything in my life a lie?!?
"ARGHH!!" I swiped my hand across the air, ice flying from my fingertips and splashing into the ocean.
I put my head in my hands and, for the first time in a long time, cried. What was I supposed to do? Who was I supposed to trust?
Why doesn't anyone care?

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So yeah, here's a nice long chapter for you. I'm back! :^)