Flightless Bird (Supernatural Fanfiction)

I love you Sam Winchester (13)

I took the clean tissue from Meg's hand as we walked out of the car. I pressed it against my nose, soaking up the blood that was dripping down onto my upper lip.

"How ya feeling?" she asked quietly, Sam and Dean were trailing behind us. "That was quite the move you pulled out back there, I'm proud of you." I looked to her and she smiled, slapping a hand onto my shoulder.

"Thanks," I said sincerely, putting the tissue in my pocket as Dean and Sam walked into view.

"Care to explain what that was about?" Dean asked me. When I didn't respond, he grabbed my shoulder and stopped me. I turned to him and he gave an expecting look. "Well?"

"Not here." I told him and turned to continue walking again.

"Then where?" he shouted after me, following close. Sam on the other hand, was falling behind.

"Not here." I told him again, more strictly this time as Meg and I walked up the front porch of our cabin. With a shovel, I scratched away some of the chalk on the ground that formed a devils trap so we could pass over. "Mind redrawing that?" I asked, tossing a piece of chalk to Dean. He caught it and then stared down before beginning to reconnect it and walking inside with Sam.

"Is here good enough for you?" he was annoyed. I turned as he was closing the door. Sam sat down on the couch almost immediately letting out a sigh of relief.

"Would you give us a second? Please?" Meg returned the annoyance when Sam looked up to me with worried eyes.

"Scar, your bleeding." Sam said I mentally slapped myself as I hauled out the tissue and began to wipe away the blood.

"It's nothing, I'm fine." I told him as I through the tissue into the garbage bin. Nobody said anything. "I'm fine." I snapped at the silence before Meg crossed the room to me, swiftly.

"What are we even doing with them here? They're risking everything." she whispered harshly. I scratched the side of my face before letting out a sigh.

"What else are we supposed to do? They wouldn't last a day with that demon taking off and telling the others, telling Crowley." I responded and she shot me a sharp look.

"They can't stay," she told me. I shrugged.

"Where else are they going to go?" I asked her. "We need them as much as they need us." she stared distastefully at me before spinning on her heels to face the boys.

"Listen up," she snaps in their direction. "you guys have to stay out of our way, okay? Scar and I are dealing with a very delicate matter and it needs complete and utter cooperation; you both need to do as we say." Sam looks in Dean's direction as he gets to his feet, something sparking in his eye.

"What makes you think we are going to take orders from you?" Dean asked, a mischievous and dangerous smirk playing on his lips.

"If not from me, then from her." she turned to me and all three were staring with wondering eyes. "She was your little damsel in distress, wasn't she?"

"Yeah, was." Sam muttered. "But she looks more than capable of taking care of herself."  I opened my mouth, about to speak out when Meg erupted.

"Good observation Winchester!" she said and then scoffed loudly, folding her arms. "She's stronger now, stronger then she ever was with you. She can protect all of us better then we could ever protect her,"

"We noticed." Dean snapped. I said nothing. "So do we get an explanation? As to what you are doing to her to make her like this? This is the same as what Ruby did to Sam except worst. So much-"

"Well if you haven't noticed Dean, I'm not screwing Meg. So it's not the same," I cut him short and chewed my lip for a minute. "for starters I'm doing this of my own free will and I would be dead if I didn't have the strength I do, we would be dead."  

"So what is it? Are you drinking demon blood?" he demanded to know, practically shouting in my direction. Meg gave a heartless laugh and turned away from us all, walking into the kitchen. "What?"

"Her blood is demon blood, dumb ass." Meg told him and his head snapped into my direction. 

"What?" he barely choked out. 

"The blood transfusions Charlie was conducting nearly killed me, not because I was weak but because I didn't have just a 'touch' of demon blood in my system. I'm part demon."  We locked gazes and he looked mad as hell. Finally, I looked away,  rubbing my face and tossing some hair out of my face. 

"That's all you gotta say?" Dean asked bitterly. I turned back to him.

"I'll go make up a bed for you and Sammy,"

That next morning, I woke earlier then usual. It was still dark outside but for the life of me, my mind would not lead me into serenity. Frankly, that on top of everything else really pissed me off. I know though, that I have to deal with it. I can't sweep it under the rug as I have been doing for the months that Dean, Sam and I have been apart. 

After getting a cup of coffee, I took the gray blanket out of my bag and walked out onto the porch, still wearing last nights clothes. I covered some of my body with the blanket as I planted myself on the chair that sat somewhat out of place on our rickety front porch. 

I stared, my elbows rested on my knees. It was a long instance where you stare at something for so long that when you look away, you forget what exactly it was you were staring at. I drank my coffee down as soon as my drowsiness began to pass and perched my feet up onto the railing, this time, I took in the cool scene that surrounded me. 

Birds chirped, but the sun did not shine. The sky was a steel blue and there were no clouds in sight. There wasn't a breeze in the air, just a steady coolness and even though hours had passed since I first came out here, I was only noticing these things now.  

"What are you doing?" My head turned slowly and Sam was standing, staring at me in question. My head, rested on the house behind me as I brought my shoulders up.

"I don't know." I confess. He came over and sat down on the wood by the legs of the chair and stared out in the same way as I was doing previous to being interrupted. For a moment, I couldn't take my eyes off him. Part of me was sad, because look at him. He's the image of death. But yet, there still remained a wicked part of me that was happy, because look at him. He's here. With me.  For now, that's enough.

"I love you," I thought aloud and expected his reaction to be the same as mine, perplexed. But it wasn't. In fact, he had none. 

"No, you don't." he told me simply and my stomach clenched as he stood. My eyes followed him back inside and for the life of me, I don't know why, but I began to cry. 

I pulled the blanket around me tighter, tears rolled down my cheek as I realized just how much I love him. 

I crawled back into bed while Meg escorted them to buy breakfast at a local diner. I stared at the ceiling and thought about Sam and wanted to scream, but I had a calm composure and I was determined to keep it. 

I needed to act like it didn't affect me, because I knew that this was only a small bump in the road right now. If he knew how much it hurt, he would pity me and I don't want his pity. I want his love and in order to get it, I have to earn it. I have to deserve it. Right now, I'm not the person I want to be. I'm the person I didn't want to be.

A demon? It doesn't get much lower then that. Since Sam and Dean recovered me from hell, I've disgusted myself. I'm sure I have even disgusted them, but maybe one day, once we close the gates of hell, I'll be able to become the person I want to be. A loving, kind, generous person. And maybe then Sam and I will be able to be together.

It's a long shot, but it's the only shot I've got.