The Silence Between Us

Confessions

Chapter 17:

"So what's his deal?" Those were the first words that left my mouth as soon as we stepped outside of the gym and back into the school, aka, my safe zone. I hated every second I spent in that gym in the past, and today was definitely no exception.

I don't know. He always tries to screw with me though. Just ignore him.

I frowned as I turned to him. "He reminds me of an only slightly better version of Shawn. Annoying, manipulative, and an asshole. Did I about sum it up?"

That's about right.

We found a bench to near the gym and just sat there without saying a word to each other. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't going to force him into telling me anything, I just wanted to show him that I was here for him. He seemed like he just needed someone who would listen to him and give him a shoulder to lean on.

I decided I needed to just cut right to the chase. "Where were you for a couple days? I was really worried about you." I tried to say this in the least threatening, non-accusatory way. I didn't know really what I was dealing with when it came to helping others with their emotions. I was severely out of practice. It felt like I was tiptoeing around eggshells, but it didn't matter, as long as I was helping him instead of hurting him.

You worried over someone like me? He gave me a fake laugh, I could tell because it was like all the bells and warmth had disappeared from it. Nope, I'm fine Louisa. You don't have to worry.

It was like he broke something inside of me. I knew exactly what it felt like to be in his position, to be suffering from something. But I was trying to be here for him, I was trying to be his friend. I never had someone who was willing to help me. Alex had friends, he had people who cared for him. He could get help. I couldn't. Why was he just trying to push me away when I know he needed someone to help him through whatever was going on?

I kept my face downcast, trying not to reveal all the emotions that were surging in my brain. "I don't have to worry?" I asked, my whispering voice barely able to refrain from shaking with the sadness and anger that I felt. "I don't have to worry!" I repeated, this time my voice raising.

I didn't raise my head as I continued to yell at the floor. "Damn right I have to worry about you! You have shown me nothing but kindness and compassion when I was at my lowest. You worried about me and cared for me when you barely even knew me! How can you expect me not to worry when countless times you have done the opposite? I can't not worry about you. Whenever you're sad, I'm sad, don't you get it?"

This time, I did lift my face to meet Alex's. I had to keep blinking back the tears that kept threatening to fall, but it was too late. Drop after drop slid down my face, pooling at the bottom of my chin. How could he not know by now that all I cared about was making sure the people who cared for me were happy?

I continued to talk, despite my tears descending towards the earth. "Whatever's going on with you, Alex, I just wanted to let you know that I'm here from you. I'll lend you an ear and listen to whatever you have to say, all you have to do is talk to me."

I never expected that in a couple of minutes, he would've taken my words literally.

He paused for several minutes, probably staring at me in horror after taking in everything I just said. I felt so bad for yelling at him. I was supposed to be listening to him and helping him, not yelling at him for not getting his shit together.

But instead of just walking away and leaving me on the bench by myself like I thought he would do, Alex draped his arm around my shoulders and tugged me closer to him. I curled up next to his side, burying my face in his shirt to stop my tears. Why was I the one crying and why was he the one comforting me? Our roles should have been reversed.