The Silence Between Us

Searching for a Sign

Chapter 35

Alex's POV:

She left the funeral so calmly, I almost didn't think anything of it. It didn't matter that my heart thumped with a little bit of panic every time she got that faraway look in her eyes. Today was the first time that I had seen her look that vacant. There were times when she'd stare off in space, not totally present and in-tune with the conversation, but not gone. Now she was.

I don't know why I let it happen. I thought she would come back, honestly. I knew things were tough because of her dad. Well, I mean I didn't know the whole story, but most of it. Word gets around, especially when you don't want it to.

She left. She walked away almost like a whisper. One moment she was sitting next to me, grabbing onto my hand like it was her anchor, the next, an empty chair took her place. I was more than worried for her, but I thought she just needed her space. That's how I was at least. Sometimes I need to just walk away, take a minute or two to breathe, and then come back ready to face whatever it is that was bothering me.

But she didn't come back. That chair remained empty. As time passed and the longer that chair stood there mocking me, I found it impossible to sit still. My stomach was twisting in knots. I wrung out my hands, cracked my knuckles, basically did anything I could do to attempt to curb my worry. Nothing worked.

That chair remained empty the remainder of the service.

I knew Mae noticed it too. Her face was scrunched up, the way that it does when she's thinking hard about something or worrying. Her eyes lingered on the plastic thing that separated us that once had a person sitting there.

She looked up and our eyes met, the same growing uneasiness in her irises mirroring mine. Louisa wouldn't just leave like that. She wouldn't do that to Noah. He needed her. That fact alone didn't change that, even if it made the hairs on my arm bristle a little from jealousy.

A violin sang out, and we all stood. Mae took my hand in hers, squeezing it for reassurance. It didn't help, but I knew that this was almost over, and knowing that fact did help a little. The sooner this ended, the quicker I could go out and look for her, comfort her, whatever it was she needed. That's all I wanted to be for her, a person that she could rely on.

The tune dragged on for an impossibly long time, every drawn out note making me grind my teeth a little more. I just needed this to be over. It had been way too long since she'd been gone, and now the little worry that I had in the pit of my stomach grew to where it felt harder to breathe.

Finally, the song slowed and faded to a stop. Silence hung in the air for a brief moment, everyone taking a second to reflect and remember the person who we were supposed to be honoring today. That's how things seemed to work lately. Something important would be going on and then my thoughts would keep drifting and drifting until they settled on Louisa and her eyes.

Her eyes were the most striking. You could tell that they were a pale blue, like ice, without having to look close. It still shocked me that the thing I found most beautiful about her didn't function.

Once the soft chatter started, I took that as my cue. Find Louisa. Try to talk to her and ease away whatever's bothering her. Maybe get Noah involved depending on where his head was at.

I dropped Mae's hand, turning to walk out of the aisle. "Where do you think you're going?" She asked, her jaw set and demanding.

She knew where I wanted to go and was just as worried as I was, so why was it seeming like a big deal all of a sudden? "To find Louisa." I said it like there was nothing else I could do other than search for her.