The Silence Between Us

People Make Mistakes

Chapter 36:

My chest was constricted the minute I got into the car. I didn't know what it was or what was compelling me to go so far, but I needed to get to my dad. I needed to see him, visit him. Apologize for what I did wrong. That simple act was something I hadn't done for three years. For some reason, now I needed to.

Maybe afterwards, I'd finally be able to breathe properly. No more of these panic attacks. No more wondering whether my dad would ever be able to forgive me or if I'd ever be able to forgive myself.

It was my fault. But maybe I could learn to live with it.

Or at least that's what I was telling myself as I sat in the back of a stranger's car, probably looking like a shell of the usual Louisa. I could feel it. I was empty. Hollow.

The drive to Albuquerque should be about an hour or less. We lived in the northern part of New Mexico, but my dad grew up in Albuquerque. That's why he was buried there. Grams and Gramps wanted him close by. They wanted him to be by the graves they had already picked out for themselves, despite the fact that they haven't actually died yet. The idea that they already had tombstones was beyond me.

It was only five minutes into the drive when I felt the car slow to a stop. I knew something was off a couple turns back, meaning that the stop only altered me that something was definitely wrong. The driver turned off the road that I knew would lead us to the freeway and then a couple turns later we were here.

Hopefully it was just gas. I kept repeating that again and again in my head, trying to convince myself that's all it was. That in my idiocrasy of leaving the cemetery alone and attempting to hail a taxi, I didn't wind up getting myself kidnapped.

That's when I realized I didn't tell anyone where I was going. I didn't leave any signs. My phone was probably dead because I forgot to charge it last night. I just left. It seemed like the right idea at the time. I didn't know if I could stay there like that and silently suffer through an anxiety attack while everyone was focusing on being respectful for the service. How could I do this? What if everyone was worried about me?

I didn't realize I was holding my breath. That was until the driver of the car actually spoke.

"Look, Louisa. I promise you this isn't one of our pranks. I won't hurt you. I'm not going to do something stupid. I'll even take you to Albuquerque if you want. I just want to talk."

My eyes widened before I let her words sink in. Out of all people on the side of the road who could have picked me up, it was her? How did I not smell her perfume? I figured her car would reek of it.

At least she wasn't a murderer. Or a kidnapper. Just a head cheerleader and a classic bitch. Besides, she said she wasn't going to do anything like usual. Just talk. Whatever that meant.

"Talk?" My question hung in the air. I waited for Cora to do anything, say anything. I wasn't used to this from her. Usually no matter what it was I said, Cora would figure out some witty remark to fire back.

Not this time. There was no witty remark. All Cora said in reply after waiting approximately two minutes and a half was "I'm getting gas."

At least I wasn't wrong about being at a gas station.

Cora got out of the car and I was left alone with my thoughts. I had no idea what was going on here. All I wanted was to get some closure with my dad. I never thought that Cora would be dragged into this somehow. But here she was. And we were going to talk. I still didn't know what that meant. She never truly answered my question.