Look Me In The Eyes...**(OFF hold)**

Chapter 18

A/N

SORRY IVE BEEN GONE FOREVER! I hope you guys haven't given up on this story because  I HAVEN'T! i came close to BUT I DIDNT! This is all i could squeeze out for now! i'll add more to it later! Enjoy :)

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Recap

 “Yup that’s exactly what this is about.” I cut him off. He didn’t make any move to speak so I took that as my chance to continue and ignored the screaming thoughts in my head. “That was a mistake. Sorry.” I brushed his hand off of my shoulder and took two steps when he caught my hand and whirled me around.

“B-But you told me it meant something…” he growled with his jaw taut.  His hand tightened around mine.

“I lied.” I scoffed, shaking my head.  “Did you actually think I would have feelings for someone like you?” I let out a humorless chuckle. It was clear that what I said caught him completely off guard. My throat closed up once again when I chose what I was going to say next.

“Well, I might as well speak the truth and hope you get the message, Ryan.” His teeth clenched at the sound of his real name spilling out of my lips.

“I don’t care for you Ryan Fredricks. Never have, never will. I merely got this close to you because of a bet.” His hold on my hand disappeared immediately and he stepped back as if the words landed a powerful blow on his chest. I held back my wince and smiled smugly at him. “And if you paid attention at all since you knew me, you’d know I never turn down a challenge.” His mouth was wide open; hurt etched into every contour his face. The bell chimed and students began flooding out of the classroom. Unaware of me dying slowly on the inside. I cared for him and didn’t want to jeopardize his life so much that I did everything in my power to make my act as believable as possible.

“I-I trusted y-you Rose.” It hurt so much to hear him so vulnerable. His voice was barely above a whisper as he stumbled upon those words. Now for the finishing touch.

“You’re mistake.” I shrugged and put on the best poker face I could and peered right through the black lenses, trying to reach his eyes. “Goodbye…freak.” And I walked out the door, never daring to look back at the without a doubt heart shattering image. My vision blurred as I ran out the door towards my car without second glance and slid inside, slamming the door after me. It was only then I choked a sob. My heart was painfully aching with hurt, guilt, mixed with almost everything else in my chest and the warm tears spilled down my cheeks, leaving a trail.

Step 3?

Check.

Heartbreak?

…Check.

Chapter 18

You know what’s worse than having someone hate you? Caring for that person and having them hate your guts in return. I lost my friends, the people I care about and the people that cared about me. Even my family senses something’s off with you. And of course the overwhelming amounts of guilt that slowly gnaw away my insides and make me crazy. I had been in too many situations where I wanted to scream in their faces “I don't WANT to do this! Hear me out!” But it would be no use. I’m reminded of why I did it in the first place and I silence my thoughts. The worst part is, in the end…you start to hate yourself too.

A part of me wanted to forget about the she-devil named Melissa and let me live my life. But the other, the dominant part, refused to be selfish and ruin their lives. I would be hurting them not me. Sure it might suck right now, losing someone I really cared about, being known as the weird jerk of the school that got along with the new kids only cause of a bet. Heck, even Lyla and Mick avoided me. Make that losing 4 friends. Mick would say an awkward “Hi” in gym but that would be it. It wasn't like I made an effort either. At first it was a few sentences and questions, but I just refused to respond.  Lyla occasionally talked to me in history about the lesson, which also happened to be the same class I shared with Rex. I managed to talk to the teacher and tell them I couldn't see too well so she would move me to the front, away from Rex. I could tell they weren’t happy with the story of me playing with the two new kids of the school for a bet spreading around the school like a wildfire. I just ignored Jerry like he was the plague. I didn’t have the guts to confront him about anything, because I knew he was somewhat part of the deal with Melissa too. But hurting Rex was bad enough; I couldn’t handle doing the same thing twice. I couldn’t handle it anymore. All the stares I felt boring into my back didn’t exactly help either. When I would turn around I would catch people looking at me in disgust, curiosity, or sometimes with hurt; when I caught his face turned towards my direction. That was the worst. He’s lucky his dark sunglasses shield his eyes from my view.