Insomniac (taekook)

Part 33

The first thing I feel when I wake up is a heavy drumming in my head.
Ow ,would be an understatement.
The second thing I feel is not something that could have been controlled by the amount of alcohol I consumed the night before.

I'm laying down next to him
My now official boyfriend

I feel properly sick
And I'm pretty sure it's not just the hangover

I need to get out
No I need to tell him
No I need to keep quiet
No I need to run away!

There's a million voices in my head screaming at me to do different things

But I can't decide on any of them

One thing is for certain

My breaths stinks so I'm gonna go ahead and sort that out

I trudge to the bathroom , trying to make as little noise as possible to avoid waking sleeping beauty.

I stare at my still slightly bruised face in the mirror
My skin is pasty and irritated and my eyes are sunken and aren't as bright as they were before.

It's unclear if this is my guilt or the alcohol

I brush my teeth , my gaze never leaving my reflection in the mirror
It's so hard to take
Im looking at a murderer

This person
These hands
Have taken away a life
A good one

A man is dead because of me

But it can't have been me
Even though I've been told what happened that night I can't recollect any of it

I don't even know what I was on in order for me to do what I did

Where did it go?
All those thoughts and memories
All those hopes and aspirations Namjoon had
Gone

Poof!

Like someone pulled the plug on a drain

But it's gone nowhere

It's like everything he worked for
Everything he cared about was for fucking nothing

I rinse my mouth out and and have one last look.

So now what?
I carry on
Do my classes
Eat my food
Sleep around?
Sleep with Taehyung?
Brush my teeth

How am I supposed to get up
Walk around
Go to sleep
Like nothing's happened?

Like it's a minor bump in the road
Like I've failed a class or broken a limb or been dumped

What about Tae?
I worked so hard to get him to go out with me
Telling him would do more than crush him
It would destroy him

But it wasn't for nothing
It wasn't just to sleep with him
Not that that wasn't a fucking bonus
Oh god I really do like him

I like his stupid little conversations
And his baby personality and daddy voice
I like his pouty sleeping lips
I like his dance moves
I like his nicotine addiction
I like the horrible way he makes coffee
I like how he knows a little something about everyone
I like how he still reads before bed like an old man
I like how he sings along to songs on tv and dances to songs at the supermarket and I like how that's barley the tip of the iceberg

There's so much more to him than I cannot grasp

I like him so so much an- shit he's waking up!

I poked my head round the door and see him sitting up and looking around confused until he sees me and smiles.
That fucking smile
That stupid fucking smile that could end war and melt the polar ice caps.

"Morning" He mumbles , rubbing his eyes cutely.
He shifts a bit and immediately winces.

I slide back in to bed next to him giggling

"Sorry about that one." I say, giving him a cocky smile.

He sees and gives me a a hard elbow in the ribs.
"Don't be so full of yourself you're not even that big I'm just really tight."
He says giggling with me.

"Tight? Now who's being cocky?" I smile.

He lays back and sighs.
"So?" He says , glancing at me "food?"

What do you thinks gonna happen in the end?