Johanna's Confessions

Chapter 1

"Johanna! Johanna can you hear me? Get her BP stat, Johnson we need a Gastric Lavage and hurry. What did she take?" He asks bluntly to the crying women shuffling next to the gurney.

She stutters "I-I...um I'm not sure, the pills were every where. And the blood-the blood. It was every where and my baby..".

"Some one get her out of here!" He screams to a nurse. "Okay we need to get her stitches now, and a Tox screen." The cold doctor screams as nurses scramble.

They rush the girl off into the OR. Her mother slowly slides down against the wall, grabbing her mouth stifling a scream. A nurse grabs her by the arm and leads her to the waiting room.

Three hours later the father shows up with the sister. In tears he falls to the ground, fearing his own child and the power she has over something so precious. They plead to see and speak to her, nurses ignore them and doctors dismiss them. No one will listen.

Two days later the doctors let them in to see their angel.

"Honey," she smiles sweetly, "she's waking up," the mother says in a hushed tone.

"Oh sweetie," my mom says while sweeping my hair away from my face. I look around the room, realizing where I am. Lying in a hospital bed, everything around me is white and clean. I try to move my wrists to find that they are held down.

"Oh, darling those are for your safety," she coos out to me.

Before I can say anything a doctor is in the room adjusting something on a machine.

He than turns to me saying, "Johanna, you had an accident but we fixed you up. We had to pump you stomach and give you a lot of stitches. If your mother hadn't have found you, you wouldn't be here. She saved your life."

Continuing my silence I sit there reflecting on my choices. I still want to feel the world slip away and than become nothing. To float aimlessly forever.

His expression remains as he goes on, "We're going to make sure your vitals are stable, then your going to be transferred to St. Catharine's Psychiatric facility."

My mind explodes as a overwhelming amount of feelings invade every part of my body. I can't go to the nut house, I need to be home in my world. I pull against the restraints and the doctor who was chatting with a nurse runs over.

"No, no, don't do that Johanna," he says placing a hand on my shoulder.

I pull away, "Don't fucking touch me," I yell pulling away even harder than before.

The doctor walks away yelling for a nurse, and then comes back with a nurse trailing behind him pushing a little metal cart. On the cart lays a tray with a needle and little bottle. "It's going to be okay, I'm going to give you a little something for the pain," he says putting a clear liquid into my IV.

They leave and two police officers take their place in the room, ushering my parents and sister out.

They both take chairs and pull them closer to the bed, sitting down. The bigger one placing a clip board with millions of papers on his lap, the officer next to him hands the big one a pen. "We need to take your statement now," the big one says.

"Two days ago, you overdosed on prescription pain killers and then proceeded to harm yourself? " The thin one asks.

"Yes." I say sounding dead and flat.

"How did you get the pills, no one in you home had a prescription for the ones you ingested." The thin one asks looking at me directly now.

I sigh trying to evade the truth, "I-um-I got them from a friend."

The bigger one rolls his eyes while scribbling something down, "Okay we need you to tell us what happened and why you decided to do this," he holds his pen adjacent to the paper looking me in the eyes.

I look around the room trying not to scoff, "Isn't it kind of obvious?"

I can hear him sigh, "You are going to have to elaborate please."

"Fuck you," I say in his face, our eyes locking.

Just as I turn to face away from them the doctor returns. He pushes a syringe into my IV, and eyelids dropping I rest my head.

This time I float away and forget the world.