Johanna's Confessions

Chapter 8 Day 7

A week, a full week in this hell. Well /i guess it isn't hell when Marc and London are there. But otherwise sitting there with McCordick and everyone else is HELL. I have to go a appointment with the nutritionist today so, we will see how that goes. 

For breakfast I had a full bowl of cereal and once we got back to the unit I went straight to the bathroom. Releasing all the calories back out of my body, I feel lighter than air. It's hard but I am determined not to gain weight in this stupid place. It's not like they can kept me forever, right? Marc sat next to me during breakfast again, and London wasn't there. Marc said she had a appointment with her PO.  I don't think I could ever have a PO, some one checking up on you randomly. And invading your space and shit like that. 

"Johanna, its time for you appointment with the Nutritionists." Nurse Blue calls looking down at her sheet. I get up slowly not wanting to go, hoping a rift will appear separating me from the scale. But alas there is just me and Nurse blue walking down the white halls. The walls feeling like they are closing in on me. I cant stand it any more.

I shiver as I walk into her office, damn i forgot my sweater. Oh well, being cold burns calories faster than being hot. I sit down as she finishes up some paper work. 

"Hi Johanna," she says with the cheeriest smile any one could have. "Okay lets do a weigh in. You know the drill." she stands up. I stand up and step on the scale back wards making sure I can't see the screen. The doctor doesn't make a sound. I step off and sit back down. 

She takes a big breath in and sighs, "Johanna, have you ever made yourself sick on purpose." 

"No, why would I do that?" i ask trying my best to not give away my lie.

She looks at me with serious eyes, "You were able to lose a whole pound, and you are on a very strict eating regiment. You should have gained .5 not losing 1 whole pound. From now on we will have to have an nurse sit with you for an hour after all meals." 

I feel a panic inside, the fat creeping up and filling my body. "No, no I don't need that. Honestly." I try to plead with her. 

"Johanna, you think that your fat but you are honestly not. Now I know that coming from me you think that I am lying. But you have to trust me and your doctors. You will die if you continue down that path. We are here to help you, Okay?" She says her eyes smiling at me. I nod. 

I would rather die skinny than live fat. 

London still hasn't come back, I wonder if she is okay. Marc and i walk with the group down to lunch. Still no sight of London. Today is chicken nugget day, yay. Nurse blue comes and sits next to me, on he opposite side of Marc. On my tray is chicken nuggets, salad and a cookie. My drink is low fat milk. Nurse blue grabs my milk and trades it in for chocolate milk, and brings me some pretzels. Her attempt to make me fat. Well that is not going to happen. 

Nurse blue wouldn't let me go back to the unit until I finished all my food. I sat there not eating for about 15 minutes, but than the next group came in. The children's unit, so I give up my strike and start to eat slowly. It takes me another 10 minutes to finish, and Nurse blue just smiles when i throw away my trash no food sitting on my plate. 

For the next hour Nurse Blue is at my side watching my every move. I just waste the hour away on homework, wishing I could be puking up all the gross fat in my body. But it's no use, she would just catch me. I'm working on my history project, we had to pick an important historical figure and write an essay all about them based off one quote. It's not that hard, but i just hate writing when i don't have inspiration. Just as i am putting the finishing touches on a male nurse who i have never seen before, leads London in by her arm. Bandages on her arms, a big bruise on her face. I am about to rush over to her side, when nurse blue pulls me back. London gives me the signal though, a wink.