Johanna's Confessions

Chapter 2 Day 1

"Johanna? Johanna can you hear me?" A sweet voiced lady asks as she shines a not so sweet light in my eye. God damn, what is with these people.

I sigh and nod my head. Trying to sit up she places a hand on my shoulder, I notice that her nails are sky blue.

"Lady I'm fine, really just let me get up." I say annoyed, God, I can't do anything around here.

She sighs, her eyes sprinkled with sadness,  "Honey, I am going to have to take some blood, but it's not safe to do so until you eat something."

I pull away from her grasp saying in a not so subtle tone, "No, no I'm fine. Really, I'm not hungry." She just looks up with her glum eyes and walks out of the room. As she leaves a young looking man in a suit walks into the room. He looks too young to be a doctor.

Before he sits down he adjusts his glasses, "Johanna, you are going to have to eat something. Now they're are two ways this can happen. You can eat yourself or we will have to be forced to put you on a feeding tube. Your parents have already signed off on that option." He then looks down at his chart and than looks me in the eyes. His eyes are green, the same green as my sister's.

I look down not wanting to look in those green eyes, her green eyes. "What do I have to eat?" I ask submissively.

He smiles and leads me out of the room and I pass rooms with open doors. But no one appears to be in them. The whole place is silent. He then takes a turn and we start heading towards a door. Right as we are about to walk out. The nurse with blue nails, snaps a bracelet on my wrist and proceeds to hold onto my shoulder as we walk down he long corridors.

"Alright, down this way you'll meet everyone else. They are all at lunch right now, and today it seems that we are having soup." The young doctor finishes saying as he opens the door. There appears to be about 13 kids all sitting at a big table, conversating and eating soup. As he turns to leave, the doctor says "Oh, my name is Dr McCromick." He smiles real big and extends his hand to me. I scoff and turn away.

I go to the 'lunch line' and grab a tray, which Nurse blue, named fondly after her nails, fills the tray for me. She then informs me I can not leave till I eat it all. Sitting down at the table a boy with hair over his eyes is next to me. And a wide eyed girl sits across from me, the first thing I notice is that one eye is blue and the other brown. She looks me over before opening her mouth and saying "Where you from string bean?" I just look down at my food wishing it would all disappear. "You gonna eat string bean?" she asks prodingly.

I look up at her and say coldly "Don't call me that."

Her expression softens and she says like she just came to a huge realization "Oh, I get it. Your one of those anorexic girls. To bad string bean, maybe you'd grow some tits if you ate." She says, munching on a carrot. "Well I'll let you eat then string bean,". She gets up to throw her trash away, walking out the door presumably back to the unit.

My lower lip starts to tremble as I pick up my spoon, I dip it into the boiling soup. I pull out a spoon full of calories and sodium. As I stick it in my mouth a tear spills over my eyelashes and falls down my cheek. I don't make any sound, not wanting anyone to see me cry. I take a few more spoon fulls, realizing that the tears are flowing steadily. Most of the people have left and most likely gone back to their rooms. But the boy sitting next to me just sits there nothing in front of him, nothing keeping him here. I finally finished the soup still crying and move onto the only other food item on my tray: a cookie. I try to pick it up, but I start bawling setting it back down.

I cover my eyes and try to make it all stop, when all of a sudden I feel something on my back. The boy, the boy has put his hand on my back, rubbing it in a attempt to comfort me. He than takes my cookie and breaks it up into four sections giving me one. I slowly place it into my mouth feeling my body gaining fat. I look down at my thighs and the tears fall even harder. He touches my chin pulling it up away from all my fatness and hands me another piece. Some how I finished that awful cookie. Because before I knew it I was throwing away my trash and walking back to the unit.

Just as we are about to enter the doors, I pull the boy into a hug and whisper "thank you" into his ear.

Nurse blue than says "boundaries", and he pulls away.

I wipe the tears from my face, ready to enter the unit. When we open the doors, the others are sitting around watching TV and playing cards. Another nurse tells me that I can hang out in the Day room or  go back to my room. I walk fast to my room and collapse onto my bed. The hospital scent filling my nose, but I don't care. All I want to do is sleep.