Johanna's Confessions

Chapter 3 Day 2

I wake up suddenly, jolting forward sitting up. My room is dark and my stomach aches.

I am about to run straight to the bathroom like I would at home. But than I remember where I am. The bathroom is a public one and I need to get into it without anybnurses noticing. Just then the door starts to open, I lay back down and a nurse shines a light in my room to see if I'm asleep.

After the door closes, I walk swiftly over to it looking underneath to see feet. I don't see anything so I assume its safe to go. I am the last room closes to the bathroom so I should make it. I wait one more minute before opening the door as quite as i possible can. The coast is clear and I shut the door softly hoping no one heard, I run to the safety of the bathroom.

I enter one of the stalls and I lock the door. I pull my hair up into a pony tail and bend down on my knees, i take a deep breath and stick my finger down my throat. I retch and cough as everything starts to fall into the toilet. Everything coming up, I feel my body become lighter. Skinnier. But I will never be perfect, I will never be good enough.

I flush the toilet, my secrets washing away down to the sewers. I get up slowly feeling a rush. I walk slowly to the mirror and gaze into my own eyes. Eyes filled with hatred and sadness. My feet freeze to the cold concrete as I see the girl with the two colored eyes staring back at me in the mirror.

"I'm sorry to interrupt you string bean, didn't know you also did that." She walks over to the sink and starts to wash her hands. Not even looking at me.

I take a deep breath and say "I was sick that's all, you don't think I did that on purpose did you?" I try to hide my lie but she sees right through my facade.

She looks at me with those blue and brown eyes, "Come on string, I know your kind. You weren't sick. But don't worry I wont rat you out. as long as you don't snitch on me," She smiles as she pulls out a pack a cigarettes.

I smile in delight as I haven't had one since my admittance in the hospital. My craving for nicotine was almost as powerful as my need to drag metal across my skin. She hands me one and leads me over to the last shower.

"Here sit but be quite, there's a lose brick and it happens to lead outside." She pulls out the brick and lights a match against it. I stair into the fire, I take my cigarette and light it against the match. I feel the familiarity of the smoke filing my lungs. I puff out of my nose as the stress leaves my body. Making me empty.

The rest of the life of our cigarettes is us taking turns blowing out the brick. Once we are both out she turns to me with an extended hand, I take it and she says "London."

"Johanna," I say shaking her hand. "Is this what we do for fun in here?" I ask hoping there was more to life than smoking in a bathroom with a stranger.

Looking away and into the night, she chuckles and says "Well if your into it we could fuck, or you could fuck Marc or like Michael. Michael is kinda crazy though I would watch out for him."

I look her in the eyes and see that the blue one shines in the dark, "Who's Marc?"

"Oh that emo guy who sat next to you at dinner. Well I'm not really sure if he is emo, he just has the hair yah know? Plus he never really talks. Only says like really cryptic stuff during group. I don't know what his issue is. Gay or something. Maybe his uncle touched him or-"

I intervene, "You don't ever shut up, do you?"

London nods her head, "I have all these ideas in here," she points to her head, "and no one ever lets me say what I want to say."

I nod as I stand up to leave. She stands and leans in and kisses me gentle on the cheek. I turn to leave the bathroom but stop in my tracks. I turn to her and give her a hug lasting for what seemed like eternity. I finally turn and walk back to my room.

I lay down on my bed. And drift off to sleep, dreaming about the girl who kissed me in the bathroom.