Lonely For You Only

Chapter 1 : Paralysis

Though Milo was deep in slumber, he was uncomfortably aware of his own unconscious state. He could feel the restless crumpling and twisting of his bedsheets beneath him as he tossed and turned and the discomfort it caused, yet he knew with a sinking certainty that he was powerless to wake himself from the nightmare.

This was the recurring pattern of his dreams, especially those featuring his father—each one drenched in such overwhelming fear and anxiety that it left him immobile, trapped in the form of sleep paralysis. His nights had become so occupied by these terrors that he could now recognize, even in his dreams, that he was still lost in the realm of sleep.

Milo

He could hear his mother's voice cutting through the muffled jumbled of yelling and crashing. It was fuzzy and distant, but he recognized it instantly as it sounded like the voice of an angel.

Milo!

He wanted to reach for her. He needed to find her before she was found out by-

"Milo!"

He jerked upright, letting out a dramatic gasp as he did.

"Well hello, Sleeping Beauty." He could barely make out his mother through his half-closed, sleep-heavy eyes, her figure standing with arms crossed in the doorway. "So..." she continued, drawing out the word, "school?"

Shit

"You can still make it if you get up now!" she called out, already retreating down the hallway, her voice ringing in Milo's head.

He really needed to get ahold of his thoughts. It was starting to make him feel crazy.

8:32AM

He still had nearly half an hour before the first bell rang; his mom could be so dramatic sometimes. Then again, she had just pulled him out of his own head. It was almost as if she could sense when he was struggling—mothers' intuition or whatever.

He dragged himself downstairs, having thrown on an outfit that barely qualified as presentable, and his hair was in no better shape.

"What's up, little man?" he asked, plopping down beside his younger brother at the table. His brother was still frantically trying to finish his schoolwork from the previous day.

"How did you ever survive Mr. Macky's class." He throws his arms up, giving up on the math equation at hand. "Bullshit."

"Adrian!" Ms. Brown shouted, whipping her head around with such force that it seemed like she might have actually injured herself.

Adrian knelt his head in fake shame, and muttered an insincere apology while snatching his homework off the kitchen table and shoving it into his backpack.  

"Mhm." She hummed, glaring, as she turned back to cooking eggs.

"You aren't the only one who struggles in that class, Adrian. There is a reason he's notoriously called Mr. Wacky."  Milo comforted his brother.

"You are unfortunately just an idiot." Barked Milo's other younger brother, Lukas, sitting across the table, Adrian's twin.

"Watch it fuck brains! You always think your so much better then everyone just because you got an A in pre-calc." Adrian bit back.

"Adrian Michael!"

"Okay, no! Nope! Out the door, bye-bye, Mom, we love you very much, have an incredible day—" Milo said quickly, grabbing the boys from their seats and ushering them out the door with a hasty shove.

As soon as the door slammed shut behind the three brothers, Milo turned to give them both a disapproving look.

"God, can you two just stop bickering for once? It's not even nine in the morning, and you've already got Mom using your full name," Milo said, glaring pointedly at Adrian. "And it's her day off. She deserves to relax; you know how hard she works for us."

He hated that his mother worked herself to the bone just to keep a roof over their heads and food on the table every night. That was why he'd tried to convince her to let him get a job, but her response was always the same: "No, not until you graduate, mi hijo. I don't want you to have distractions."

"He started it," Adrian mumbled in defense.

"We don't need your scolding," Lukas shot back coldly. "You're not Dad."

Milo felt a chill run through him at Lukas's words. But Lukas was right—he wasn't their dad, and he never would be. So instead of launching at him, like their father might have done, Milo simply sighed and herded his brothers into his clunky Toyota Corolla.

He tuned out their ongoing argument over who would sit in the front seat, focusing instead on navigating the morning chaos.

Arriving at school with a mere five minutes to spare before the bell, Milo made a beeline for the courtyard, his sneakers crunching the newly fallen September leaves.

"You won't believe the morning I've had." he exclaimed, tossing his head back as he approached his best friends.

"You're later than usual." Freya remarked, pulling Milo into a side hug.

"Aren't you a little genius." He retorted sarcastically, scrunching his nose. Milo looked around. "Looks like I'm not the last one, where's Willow?"

"She's on her way," Reid replied, cracking his knuckles. "She texted the group chat, did you not see?"

Milo shakes his head.

"There was an accident at the intersection near her house, so she got held up."

"Ah."

"Oh! Dude, I forgot to tell you!" Reid said, grabbing Milo's shoulders with excitement. "You know that girl, Lilia...?" He looked at Milo with an expectant gaze.

"Uh... maybe," Milo replied, raising an eyebrow. He had no idea who Reid was talking about.

"You know, the short brunette, girl that bombed her AP bio presentation last year—anyway," Reid waved it off, "she's totally into you. She kept asking me if you're single or if you're interested in anyone and stuff like that."

Milo felt that familiar twinge of unease in his gut. It wasn't the first time he'd experienced it, and it certainly wouldn't be the last. Over the past few years, it had only intensified, much like his recurring dreams.

He couldn't quite put his finger on what caused it, all he knew is that he had been feeling it for a very, very long time.

He made eye contact with his best friend. "Oh yeah. Yeah, she's cute." Though the words were small, he did feel bad lying, especially it being directed at someone he always tried to be truthful with.

And honestly, maybe his statement wasn't all false. Lilia was quite pretty, but he could never see himself with these girls Reid was always trying to set him up with.

"Cute? Dude she's like a super model."

"I-" He was cut off

"You are such a creep, Reid ." An out of breath Willow laughed from behind them.

"Will!" Reid exclaimed, taking his focus off of Milo.

Thank god. He thought.

With a deep breath, Milo resolved to set aside the frustrations of his morning and concentrate on making the most of the rest of his day. He reminded himself that his goal was simple: to navigate through the day with a positive outlook, like he always did. Because he had to.