What About You? Well, What About Me?

Chapter 4 - The Pain Of Loving You

{Sam}

I feel guitly, and I don't know why. I really shouldn't. I shouldn't feel anything towards Lucifer. Cas said I was too hard on him, but was I supposed to lie to him? I was saying what I was thinking, what I was feeling, is that so wrong? Maybe. It seems everything I do is the wrong thing. Maybe I should apologize? Luci is outside... I walk outside and stand beside Luci on the porch. I should apologize and thank him for saving my brother. Did he save Dean to make me happy?

The fallen angel glances at me before turning his attention back to the setting sun. I step closer to him. "Umm... Hey." He doesn't look at me, and I feel a pang of pain in my chest. Do I care for him? I can't.

"Hello, Sam." Yep, that really hurt. He called me 'Sam' and not 'Sammy'. And that unexpectedly hurt a lot. Don't let it bother you, Sam. I take a deep breath to clear my head.

"I wanted to apologize for being so harsh. I'm sorry." I say honestly. The beautiful angel next to me shakes his head.

"It's fine, Sam. I've been through worse." I hear the sorrow in his voice and wonder if I even want to know everything he has been through. I shiver and continue.

"I also want to say thank you for saving Dean..."

"Well, you're welcome. I understand you care for him." I move and stand in front of him.

"What I don't understand, Luci, is why. Why did you save my brother? To make me happy?" I demand of him. He looks up at me and chuckles.

"I did not do it for you, Sam."

{Lucifer}

There are times in my long life, that I am grateful for the fact that I am unable to lie. But sometimes, like now, I wish I was able to tell lies like my brothers. It would certainly make things less painful. I address the young Winchester in front of me. "Does this surprise you?" Sam's eyebrows furrow as he responds.

"You-You did it... for Dean?" You can practically taste the pain in his voice.

"No!" I quickly assure him. "No, I do not even like Dean." He sighs a little, then glares down at me.

"Why, then? I know you have motives."

"I did it for Castiel!" I say, exasperated. "You of all people should understand how it is to want to do anything to keep your brother happy! But trust me, if it was me, I would have let Dean die like he wishes."

"You're lying." He accuses. I get up close to his face.

"Am I really, Sammy?" And then I surprise myself. I reach my hand up to his chin, pull him down, and I kiss him. I kiss Sam. I couldn't resist. Having him so close, staring into his eyes. His sweet breath breaking across my face. He was too gorgeous. Like a piece of candy, and I the small child trying to taste it. I kiss the human. He is unresponsive. He does not kiss me back, but neither does he pull away.

I realize he does not want me and I step back. I look at me feet and zap myself to Cas's side. I can't love someone who does not love me back.