I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter nine

There, we started doing our sound check. I tried to tune my bass but it didn’t work. Andy helped me and then we started playing the solo of Love Isn’t Always Fair, to warm us up. I played the wrong notes all the time; nothing went how it had to be. One hour till the show. I put my bass away and hurried to the restroom. When I went in I looked in the mirror; I looked terrible. I also felt terrible. I let my arms rest on the sink and bit my lip, trying so hard not to cry. I started shaking lightly and a tear slowly slid down my face, causing a trail of make up to run over my face too. I softly sobbed and just cried over how much I hate myself.

Then I heard footsteps coming in my direction. I quickly went in the last stall and locked the door behind me, leaning my back against it and softly sliding down. Till I sat there on the -dirty- floor, sobbing softly. “Ashley, are you in there?” Andy softly asked as he knocked on the door. “N-no” I answered. “Ashley, baby, please open the door…” Andy said. “W-why?” I asked. “Please baby” Andy begun to sound a little desperate. I slowly stood up and unlocked the door. I opened it to find him standing at the other side of it. His eyes filled with worry. He was worried about me.

Andy hugged me tight. “Ashley, what’s going on baby?” he whispered as I softly cried into his shoulder. He stroked my hair. “I-I just can’t do this anymore” I said, my voice barely a whisper. See, even my voice is ugly as fuck. “You can, Ashley. You are strong, and you are beautiful, you mean so fucking much to me” he whispered. The fact he just called me beautiful made me want to cry even more, and so did I. “I-I am not beautiful Andy” I cried. “You are Ashley, you’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever seen in my entire life” he said and pulled away from me. He looked me in the eyes with his baby blue eyes. “You are beautiful, Ashley. And you really need someone to convince you that. And if you want to talk baby, I’m here for you” he smiled and softly kissed my lips. I kissed back, hesitating. When we broke apart, I smiled too. Andy made me feel good.

“I’ll get my make up, okay?” he asked. I nodded and Andy left the restroom. He came back about two minutes later, with a little black box in his hands. He opened it and pulled out mascara and eyeliner. “Can I do it?” he asked. “Sure” I answered and Andy started doing my make up. He made black shadows around my eyes, and tipped it off with a heavy black eyeliner. “Is it okay if you do your mascara yourself? I’m afraid if I will do it, I’ll poke out your eyes or something” he giggled. I smiled “sure” and I did my mascara.

When we finished we walked back to the concert hall, there were already hundreds of fans, screaming our names. I love this, I love this feeling, but I love Andy more. Andy  made me feel good. We all took our place at the stage and Andy opened the concert. “Hey LA! Are you guys ready for a kick ass night?!!!” All the fans were screaming. I smiled to myself, I smiled to them, and when Andy turned around, I smiled to him. And he smiled to me, he blinked and we started playing ‘Die for you’. Andy sung his heart out and we all played at our best. Jake finished the guitar solo on his knees. Fucking awesome. We also played ‘Rebel Love Song’ and ‘Rebel Yell’. We decided to do the same playlist as the night before I fainted. But this time it didn’t matter to me that it all were love songs. I loved every single piece of my life. Just for a few hours. And that feeling was amazing. We had a little break and then we played ‘Love isn’t always fair’.  We ended with a speech from Andy, saying to always believe in yourself and never give in.

Then we got off stage. I was very cold. And I felt fucking ill, while just like an hour ago, I felt amazing, I felt like no one and nothing could bring me down. But now, I’m just getting depressive all over again. “Are you okay?” CC asked. “I feel ill man” I answered. Then I hurried outside and threw up in a flower box. I sat down on a little wall and let my head rest in my hands. Jake came outside to smoke. “Hey Ash, what’s going on buddy?” he asked as he sat down next to me. “I’m ill” I answered. “Did you throw up?” Jake asked as he saw my red, puffy eyes. I nodded carefully, my head hurt. “S-sorry” I whispered. “Why on earth would you say sorry?” he asked. “Just because I don’t know, I just killed that plant over there” I pointed at the plant in the flowerbox. “And I totally fucked up the show.”

“You didn’t fuck up the show?” Jake said. “I did” I whispered, more to myself than to Jake. I felt amazing. I shouldn’t have felt amazing, because now I feel the bad feeling only more. Jake rubbed his hand over my back. “I’ll get Andy, okay?” he asked. I nodded. I wanted to go home.

I fell on my knees and threw up again.