I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter fourteen

I sat down next to the bed, crying. I took Andy’s hand and caressed it softly. His wrists and arms were full of stitched wounds. I looked at them. So this must be the feeling of Andy when he sees me with my arms all open. “Andrew baby” I whispered. “Baby, why did you do this to yourself, you don’t deserve this…” I whispered. “Baby, you’re so beautiful, please stay with me… I know you’re strong Andy, you have to make it…” I whispered. Then the machine stopped bleeping, no heart pulse.

There came eight doctors running to Andy’s room. They started reanimating him. They gave him more oxygen and I just cried. A female nurse brought me back to the guys and Sammi again. When I came there CC ran to me “Ashley, is everything okay?” he asked. “He-he” I could only cry. “I-If he’s not going to make it, I’ll die too” I sobbed. Jinxx took my hand “He’s strong Ashley” he said.

“But-but his machine stopped bleeping and then there were all nurses and then-then” I started hyperventilating. “Ashley” Jinxx said. “Ashley, buddy, breathe in slowly… and out…and in… and out” Jinxx said with a calming voice. I did what he said and calmed down a little.

I just cried and CC and Jake hugged me tight. Jake pulled me on his lap and wrapped his arm around me. This all was of course in a friendly way, not in the way he did this with CC. We always did this when someone of us was crying very much, when someone needed it. And right now I needed it. Jake was warm and comfy. “Shh” he whispered and lay his head down on mine. “Shh… calm down Ashley” he whispered. I bit my lip and listened to Jake’s heartbeat.  Jake was so warm and comfy I fell asleep.

When I woke up again I started stressing again, I still sat on Jake’s lap, but Jinxx and Sammi were gone. “Where are Jinxx and Sammi?” I asked. “Andy is dead, isn’t he?” I asked panicking. “Just come with me” Jake said softly. He took me to Andy’s room. No, don’t let this be true, I can’t loose my angel.

When we walked in Andy’s room, I saw him sitting in bed. “Baby” he whispered. By the looks he had a really heavy headache. “Andy?” I asked full of unbelief. He smiled lightly, but his smile quickly faded because of the pain he was in. “Andy baby” I whispered and walked over to his bed. “I love you Ashley” he whispered. A tear slowly slid down over my face. “I love you to baby” I whispered and softly kissed his forehead. Andy drifted off to sleep again.

“He’s still alive” I whispered crying and hugged Jake tight. Jake softly smiled. “Because of that heart attack, he woke up again”. “Did he-he have a heart attack?” I asked. Jake nodded. I swallowed back more tears. But at least; my Andy was awake again.

The next few days were heavy. I still wasn’t allowed to live on my own because of my panic attacks, so I stayed at CC’s. Jake stayed there too, because he was his boyfriend after all. I slept in the guest room and they both slept at CC’s bedroom. Every morning, afternoon and evening we would visit Andy. I’d talk to him in the evening and wish him goodnight. It hurt me so much that he couldn’t lay in my arms when I drifted off to sleep. I became depressed again and started cutting myself again. Though I didn’t want to, I didn’t want to hurt Andy, or any other of the guys, or Sammi.

At Thursday afternoon I went to Starbucks. I could use a good coffee. I decided not to drink anymore, because it fucked me up really much. I got a hot coffee and sat down at a table at the Starbucks. I just thought and watched people getting by. It was snowing outside. I had a Christmas feeling.

Suddenly I smelt a familiar scent. Woman’s perfume. Kina. Fuck, I thought. She sat down on my lap. “Get off Kina” I spat. “Awe, I heard your little faggot is in the hospital” She cooed. “Kina go away” I said and tried to push her off of my lap without any success. She started kissing me “Hm Ash you can get so much better than that fag” she moaned. I didn’t kiss back. I had Andy. I pushed Kina away. She was sitting at the seat next to me now. She placed her hand on my crotch. “Kina go away” I said and stood up. I walked out of the Starbucks and walked my way home.