I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter nineteen

“Because of Kina” he sobbed. So basically it was my entire fault. Fuck this. I broke down again. Black spots forming into my sight again. I was going to faint. And this time I wouldn’t tell the guys. Because I deserve to faint. And I hope I will never wake up again.

I felt myself black out and fall backwards off the chair. Then everything went black. Unfortunately I woke up three minutes later. I felt CC and Andy hovering over me. “Ashley… baby…” Andy whispered. I opened my eyes slowly. “Ashley what happened?” CC asked. “I want to die” I cried. “Shh” Andy pulled me in his lap and stroked my hair. This time it didn’t calm me down.

“I-I want to die” I sobbed. It felt like I was going to explode or something. “I-I need to feel pain” I sobbed. “No Ashy, you don’t need it. You don’t deserve it” Jake whispered softly. “I-I do deserve it” I sobbed. “B-because of me-because of me you all met Kina a-and because of me-I-Jeremy I almost killed you” I cried. I never called Jinxx Jeremy. It was like, not normal, we never did, unless we were mad or made jokes. But now I really meant it. At his funeral they would also call him Jeremy. And I right now I’m just overthinking. I need to feel pain.

I scraped my fingernails over my arms, leaving red lines, blood welled up from some. “Ashley please don’t do this” Andy said with tears in his eyes. I made him cry again. “I-I’m so sorry” I sobbed “you’re all better off without me” I cried. “No we aren’t Ashy, and you didn’t kill me, I’m still alive, and then; Kina’s a bitch, you couldn’t know the first time you met her” Jinxx said softly, stroking my hair. CC took some tissues, and cleaned up my arms. “I-I’m so sorry, I’m such a wreck” I sobbed.

“But you are my wreck, my little wreckie” Andy said smiling lightly. That made me smile a bit again. Then it suddenly hit me; do they really love me?

“D-do you guys really love me?” I asked. “Of course we do Ashley” Jake said softly. “Yeah Ash, we all love you” CC said. “Really” Jinxx convinced me. “And I love you the most” Andy said and kissed my cheek. I swallowed back some tears “T-thank you guys” I said, my voice shaky. “I-I love you too” I said to them. “And I love you too baby” I said and kissed Andy passionate.

“Guys?” John called. “Yeah?” We screamed in union. “Get Jinxx here!” John screamed. “Yeah I’m coming!” he yelled back. “Now! Get your ass here!” “Chill dude” Jinxx screamed back. He whipped his tears away, rolled his eyes, sighed and then went to John.

When he came back he was smiling brightly. “What are you so smiling about?” Jake asked. Then Jinxx showed Sammi. “Oooh” CC said grinning. “The tour of my satellite is cancelled because the concert hall where we had to play all week burned down” She grinned. “So now she comes on tour with us” Jinxx said smiling.

At first he always asked us if it was okay if Sammi went on tour with us, but now he doesn’t ask anymore because he knows we’ll say yes. “Awesome” we said. “You can also have a bunk, because we got six bunks in our new van, but I guess you prefer sleeping in Jinxx’” I grinned. “Yeah” she said and kissed Jinxx.

“Well, then we got three bunks left” Jake said. “Why?” Andy asked. “Because Jinxx and Sammi sleep in one, you and Ash sleep in one, and me and CC sleep in one” he smiled. “Who says I want to sleep with you?” CC asked jokingly, putting a face. “Because you love the way I rub you” Jake said jokingly back. “Eww guys, I don’t want to hear about that” I said, grinning. “Oh come on Ash, you can handle it, I mean, you saw other things” CC grinned. Jake blushed “Okay, let’s not talk about that.” He said.

“Tell us!” Jinxx and Sammi said in union. “But it was so embarrassing” Jake complaint, still blushing like an idiot, wishing he didn’t said that. CC just grinned “Are you sure you want to know?” he asked. Sammi looked at Andy, who was nodding. “Um yeah” she said.