I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter seven

Jinxx drove us to my house. We all got out and I searched in my pockets for the key. I don’t think this is good. I think I’m dreaming or something. I mean, I have to live at Andy’s for two months? I heard him tell me that he is in love with me, I felt his soft lips kissing my hand, but though I can’t believe it. He can’t love me. He was fucking mad at me. Why does he do this to me? I mean, it’s so confusing all the time, he’s mad, he loves me. I mean, what do I have to think now?

“Um, Ash?” Jake’s voice made me snap out of my trance. I looked up at him. “Are you okay buddy?” he asked. “uh, I’m fine” I said quickly. I blushed. I stood there for almost three minutes, with the keys in my hands, thinking about Andy, and the guys stood behind me, waiting. “I’m sorry” I said and continued with opening the front door of my house.

Once I opened it we all stepped inside. The sweet familiar smell of my home came across me. I’m gonna miss this place. “Sit down” pointed at the couch and the guys sat down. “Do you wanna drink something?” I asked. “Beer would be nice haha” CC replied. The guys nodded and I walked off to the kitchen to get some beer.

Fuck it. I planted my elbows on the kitchen counter and let my head rest in my hands. What did I’ve done? Of course I have to faint; my stress level has to be too high. I’m so fucked up. This isn’t good, you know? This isn’t good at all. And wait, are the walls coming closer right now?

Black spots started to form in my sight again. No way I’m going to faint again. I sat down on the floor, head and back against the wall, almost in a lack of breath. Then Andy came in. “Ashley” he directly came over to me. “Ashley,” I didn’t answer “Ashley, listen to me, breathe in slowly.” So did I. “And then slowly out” I did what Andy told me. “In… and out… in… and out…” my heart pace slowed down a bit.

“Thanks” I whispered. Andy smiled softly at me “you’re welcome”

Andy got the beer and we walked back to the living room. “Here you are” Andy grinned and threw a bottle at CC, who caught it just in time before it crashed down on the floor. “I’m gonna get my stuff I think” I said and walked up stairs to my bedroom. Andy followed me. I opened the door of my bedroom, walked in and collapsed on the bed. Andy sat down next to me. I was cold. I sighted and then got up again. I looked at Andy, he smiled at me. I got up and opened my dresser and stuffed almost all of the clothes in a bag. Then I lied down on the floor, feeling under my bed. I took the shoebox which was lying there and put it on the bed.

Andy had a curious look in his eyes. He wanted to know what was in the box. He looked at me, I just felt it. Then I opened the box and took out three of the notebooks. One was my lyric book, one was my diary book and the other one was my drawing book. I didn’t want to look at the photos which were in the box; because I know if I did I would cry, again. And I didn’t wanna cry again in front of Andy. Then I look like such a pathetic little kid. And I don’t wanna look like that. I know that if I look like that, it’s for sure Andy doesn’t like me. I stuffed the notebooks in the bag too and then I closed it.

“Ready?” Andy asked. I nodded “ready”. I smiled weakly at him and then we both made our way downstairs. The guys were sitting in the living room, they put on some music. Well, I think Jake did because Van Halen was blasting through the house. Van Halen is one of Jake’s favorite bands. Jake turned down the music when he saw me and Andy appearing in the room. “Ready to go?” Andy asked. The guys nodded and stood up. They walked to the car. So did me and Andy. Now it was really cold outside. Well, not really, but yeah, it wasn’t warm anymore. But yeah, what do you want at midnight?

Jinxx drove us to Andy’s house and dropped us there. Andy and I entered the house. I’ve been here so many times before. Andy has a small house, at the west side of LA. It is a wood colored house. At the inside there are warm colors; red, brown and a little orange and yellow. I like this place. But, I am thinking now; there’s only one bedroom. So or I have to sleep on the couch or I have to sleep in Andy’s bedroom. I dropped my bag next to the couch in the living room. Andy walked to the bedroom, mumbling a song what sounded like rock you like a hurricane by the scorpions.

Then I heard something crash. I hurried to the bedroom. “Andy, what the hell are you doing? Is everything okay?” I asked. “Yeah, I just… wait help me a second Ash” Andy said and I helped him with moving the mattress. “Yeah, okay, now just put it here” he said and we laid the mattress down at the floor, at the other side of the bedroom. “What the hell are you doing?” I asked again. “Making a bed for you” Andy grinned as he cleaned up the stuff he made with moving the mattress. “Hmkay” I said.

Actually I don’t mind that I have to sleep with Andy in one room. Well, ‘I don’t mind’ is an understatement. I’m fucking glad I can sleep in his room. This is like a dream coming true. Well, not really but yeah, you know what I mean. I like this.

I yawned. “Are you tired ba-” Andy asked. He swallowed the word baby. I just know. He blushed and quickly looked down. “Yeah, kinda” I said quietly. “Well, okay, do you wanna sleep?”

I nodded. “Okay, well, that’s good because I was planning on sleeping too” Andy smiled. I got my bag from the living room and Andy locked the door from the house and then we both made our way to his bedroom.

I stripped myself down to my boxer briefs. So did Andy. I put on my jogging pants. Andy had a short he put on. His legs are so perfect, so skinny. So flawless. HE is flawless. We both lay down in our own beds. Andy turned out the light and sighted. Not the kind of tired sigh, but the kind of ‘hello, I’m in love sigh’. Maybe I should tell him that I’ve heard everything he said this evening. Maybe I should tell him I’m gay. But I don’t know… I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

Why is life so god damn hard? I’m just going to tell him. It’s now or never.

“Andy?” my voice sounded raw. I cleared my throat. “Yeah?” 

“Um… I kinda…” “Tell me” Andy urged me to go on. “I kinda heard everything you said to me in the hospital this evening…” I said.