I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter twenty two

"Hey Ash, about last night..." CC started "Why did you do it?" he asked. Fuck, sounded like I was in trouble.

“I-I don’t know” I stuttered. “It’s just like I didn’t feel anything anymore and then when I realized what I’d done, I felt guilty as fuck..." I felt tears filling my eyes. I also saw CC's eyes filling themselves with tears. "I-I'm sorry" CC said and slid down on the couch. "W-why?" I asked. "B-because..." he sobbed and then broke down, heavy shaking.

I sat down next to him and wrapped my arms around him tight. "Shh..." I whispered "Shh... you can tell me everything" i whispered as he cuddled up against me. "I-I'm so sorry" he sobbed again. "Shh..." I whispered. 

He slowly rode his sleeve up. Seven red lines were at his wrists. "No" I whispered, tears blurring my sight. "I'm so sorry" he sobbed. "W-why?" I asked. "B-because I felt guilty" he whispered. "Why?" I asked again. 

"B-because I-I felt that what happened yesterday was all my fault, I'm so sorry Ashley. I've been clean for almost eleven years and now-" he broked down again. So basically it was all my fault that he cut himself again. "I'm so sorry" I whispered. "Don't be" he said, "it were my razors". "I should've been stronger" I sobbed. "Me too" he sobbed. 

We both hugged each other and cuddled. We fell asleep again.

"Morning CC" "Morning Ashy" I heard Jake and Andy say. I slowly opened my eyes and Andy kissed my lips softly. "Good morning" I whispered back.

Jake and Andy both walked off to get us some coffee. "Please don't tell them, Jake'll freak out" CC whispered. "Don't worry, I can keep a secret" I whispered back.

Jake and Andy came back with coffee and Jinxx and Sammi woke up too. We all sat down in the living room of our tour bus. "And how was the first night in your new tourbus?" John asked happily. God, I think I've never seen him this happy. "Great" Andy said. "Why are you so happy?" I asked. "Because I got good news" he said. "Tell us" CC said enhusiastically. "You're going to play at the main stage today at Download!" he screamed.

I saw Andy's eyes lit up, those ocean blue eyes were even mor beautiful with that sparkle in it, i thought. "Really?" he asked as he took a sip of his hot coffee. "Uhu" John answered and left the bus again. "Awesome" Andy said. 

It was three PM now. Mainstage opened at four PM, and we had to play at five PM. After that we did another meet and greet with two fans. That was less dramatically than yesterday with Christy and Austin. Though I really liked Austin. I hope he doesn't give in, and keeps on being strong. 

 I was so sunk in my thoughts that I didn't notice the guys making their way to their bunks and the bathroom to get ready for the show. 

"Hey Ashley, is everything okay?" Jinxx asked as he sat down next to me. I snapped out of my thinking trance. "Huh?" I asked. He had a worried look in his eyes. 

"You've been like passed out and thinking for almost twenty minutes Ash, are you okay?" he asked. "Hmm I'm fine" I answered. Was I really fine, what was wrong with me, why can't i just think normally like I did yesterday? Did I think normay yesterday? Fuck, I can't even remember.

No, I don't think I thought normal yesterday. I cut myself, but at the other side, that was normal for me, right? But actually it wasn't normal at all.

I mean, it isn't normal to want to die, right? I just don't know anymore. "Ashley, are you sure you're okay?" Jinxx asked. "Yes I mean no, I mean I don't know anymore" I sobbed. He held me tight and got Andy. "Baby" Andy  whispered and pulled me into his lap "Shh what's going on?" he asked softly. He was too sweet for me. 

"I-I don't know" I sobbed. Suddenly a heavy head ache hit my head. I shut my eyes tight and bit my lip. "Baby is everthing okay?" Andy asked. "N-no" I whispered "M-my head". I almost couldn't talk anymore, it hurt that much. Andy held me tight and stroked my hair softly, "Shhh everything is going to be okay sweetie.... shh... don't cry baby."

"My head" I whispered. "Shh.. don't talk, everything is going to be okay" he whispered. But i wasn't so sure about that. This really hurt like hell. I felt like my head was going to explode or something. It wasn't a nice feeling. The pain got worse by the second. 

---

A/N: Sorry for the short and crappy chapter. The next chapter will be better. I was travellingn yesterday, so I didn't have much time to write something good. Next chapter will be better and longer (: