I will try to fix you (Andley)

Chapter twenty four

He kissed my chest and ran his tongue over my nipple. I let out a shaky breath. “Am I turning you on baby?” he asked. “Oh god yes” I whispered and kissed him deeply, sliding my tongue into his mouth.

Andy moaned softly into the kiss. I slowly unbuttoned his pants, sliding them down together with his boxers. He was hard. I pumped him a few times and then kissed him again. He still isn’t allowed to have sex, but right now I got an amazing idea he will enjoy hopefully just as much.

I licked his ear, “I wanna eat you out baby” I whispered. “Fuck” he panted. “Can I?” I asked. “Fuck yeah, just do something” Andy breathed desperate. I licked over his right ass cheek and bit down a few times. “Hmm” he moaned. I licked along Andy’s crack, all the way from behind his balls to the top. I could feel Andy shudder under my touch and I moved my hands to his ass cheeks, spreading them apart so I could have a better reach.

I licked in all the way and Andy moaned loudly. “Ooh Ashley” he moaned. “Hmm” I moaned, fucking vibrating against his hole. I flickered my tongue over his hole. “Fuck Ashley, more please” his voice almost broke, and I moaned. It was so perfect. I felt my cock jerking in my jeans.

I continued licking and I stroked his balls lightly. “Ashley” he gasped. “Ashley I’m gonna-” he moaned and came all over my hand. He lay there, panting hard. “Fuck Andy, that was so fucking hot, you’re so fucking hot” I gasped.

I pulled down my pants and boxers, my cock practically screaming for air. Andy bit his lip and hovered over me and started stroking me. He kissed me deeply again and continued to stroke me. “Gah” I broke the kiss. I felt a familiar warmth building in the pit of my stomach. Then I came all over his hand.

“God-that was so good” I panted. Andy kissed me deeply again. 

We both got up and dressed ourselves again. We walked hand in hand back to the bus. “Feeling better?” CC asked as we got back on the bus. I nodded “uhu”. “Good” he said. Jake yawned “I’m going to get some sleep” he said. “Me too” I said. The guys and Sammi all agreed too.

We all got on our pajamas and lay down in our bunks. Well, there were still three bunks empty. I cuddled up against Andy and he wrapped his arms around me. Andy fell asleep fifteen minutes later. I couldn’t sleep.

At six am I was still awake. We had to get up at ten am. So if I fell asleep, I had four hours. I looked at Andy. His eyes closed, he looked so peaceful; he was breathing slowly in and out and he had a light smile on his face.

I don’t deserve him. He’s too beautiful. I’m just some kind of a monster. I felt tears welling up in my eyes again.

And then also; he’s so strong, he almost never cried. And then you’ve got me; emotional and weak; now I was crying again. I didn’t want to wake Andy so I softly untangled me from his grip and stepped out of the bunk. I walked over to my own bunk and lay down there, clutching a pillow against my chest. I put my head against it and started crying. Laying like that I finally drifted off to sleep.

The next morning Andy woke me up by softly kissing my lips. “Hey” Andy said softly and sat down on the side of my bed. I rubbed my eyes, still feeling damn tired. He wrapped his arm around me, “hey, why are you laying here?” he asked worried. “I-I couldn’t sleep and never mind” I trailed off.

“You can tell me everything” he whispered as he kissed my cheek. “I-I didn’t want to wake you by my crying…” I said, blushing. I was right; I am weak. “Why were you crying baby?” Andy asked and looked with his big, blue, with worry filled eyes to me. “I-I don’t know” I lied.

I did know why I cried; because I’m weak and I don’t deserve him. “Next time you don’t have to go away sweetie, you can wake me up if you want, I’ll be there for you baby” he whispered and kissed my cheek. “T-thank you” I blushed. “Anytime” he said and softly pecked my lips.

When I went off to the bathroom to do my make up, I looked in the mirror. God, I looked terrible; make up all smeared over my face, big bags under my eyes. I looked like I’ve been ran over by an bus and I pretty much felt that way too.

At first I removed the make up rests from my face and washed my face. I looked better already. I applied some foundation and worked away the bags under my eyes. I also applied some eyeliner and mascara. That looks better, I thought. I straightened my hair and teased some parts of it.

I went to the living room. “Morning” I said. “Morning” replied the guys. I looked over at a big bag full with envelopes and drawings. “Fan mail time!” CC yelled. We all smiled; we loved fan mail.

We all sat down at our places again; meaning, CC and Jake on a chair, Sammi and Jinxx on the couch and me and Andy on a chair. We all grabbed a letter which was sent to us. I opened my first one;

To Ashley Purdy,

at first I really admired you, but now I dislike you because you stole Andy from me. Why are you gay? Gay people suck.

Sarah

That wasn’t very nice from her. I grabbed another one;

To Ashley Purdy,

You suck at playing bass, fag.

Edward

Well, this was going great. I thought for a second; should I throw them all away? Should I ignore the words? Should I tell Andy? No, I’m just going to read the next one.

To Ashley Purdy,

You stole Andy from us.

No love, BVB army Egypt

Wow, was there even a BVB army in Egypt? I didn’t even know that. But right; they all hate me. Suddenly a thousand of questions came up in my head; do they hate me for being gay? Do I really suck at playing bass? Am I really a worthless fag, like everyone has told me my entire fucking life? Am I even worth living?

It isn’t good when I start thinking like this, it leads to over thinking.

“Baby?” Andy said. I snapped out of my thinking trance. “You were zoned out for almost ten minutes, are you okay?” he asked and placed his warm hand on my shoulder. “I’m fine” I lied. I was far from fine. But this time I didn’t want to cut myself to the hospital again. I didn’t want to hurt Andy or the guys. I only wanted to hurt me.

“Really?” he asked. I nodded, not able to speak anymore because I was swallowing back tears. I didn’t want to cry in front of him anymore, I didn’t want to seem weak. I just needed to talk. I looked around the room. I considered asking Sammi to talk, but she was just sitting cuddled up against Jinxx, I didn’t want to disturb them. I saw Jake heading to the bathroom so I decided to ask CC.

I only didn’t know how yet, I didn’t want to hurt Andy. I decided to text CC; Can I talk with you?

CC looked up at me and nodded. I pointed at the bunks. He nodded and stood up, I followed him.

CC sat down at his bed and I sat down next to him. “What’s going on buddy?” CC asked softly. “I-I’m sorry” I sobbed. “For what?” he asked. “F-for being so weak” I swallowed hard, “I-I need to hurt myself again CC” I sobbed. CC immediately hugged me tight, “no you don’t have to” he whispered, “You’re strong” he whispered. “I-I’m not, that’s the problem” I cried.

“You are, because you came to me, instead of cutting yourself into pieces” CC said and cuddled me. I loved CC. Not in the way of being in a relation ship, but just in a friendly way. He was one of my best friends in the world. He was always such a happy man.

I just hugged him tight, “I’m not strong, I’m crying like a fucking five year old right now” I sobbed. CC pulled me in his lap, “Shh… but it’s okay, sometimes you just have to let your emotions flow” he whispered. “S-so you don’t mind?” I asked. “If I would mind about you crying like this, I’d already have gone away” he said, “but I’m still here, so no, I don’t mind buddy” he said and stroked my hair softly.

“T-thank you” I whispered and looked him in the eyes. “You’re welcome Ashy” he said and smiled at me.