Decoding You *Watty Awards 2012*

Chapter 38

***Rory***

As I drifted in the blackness of my mind I thought briefly of the cliches, about how you're suppose to see life flash before your eyes as you die. i was so much luckier, who wanted to see a rerun anyway? Blackness had enveloped me for what seemed like hours.

When I start to see light I know my body wants to move, but I don't know if I am moving. I can't even feel my body. When two doors come into view I hear a voice fill my mind.

You have a choice between life or death.

A choice? I just want the sadness to go away.

It's all okay. End your sadness. It's time. But you can end in it in two different ways.

But it's unfixable. I'm unfixable.

You're too determined to call yourself, "unfixable" - look around.

Suddenly my life flashes before my eyes. Laughing as my mom makes silly faces with my dad. Clapping when my baby sister Abigail came home from the hospital. Smiling when I find a purple rose on my desk in third grade and Ryder Millington says, "Wow someone must really like you."

I smile as my mom brushes my hair. I smile as my dad takes me out for our special Saturday.

The scene changes, I'm in middle school. My parents are splitting up. Suddenly my mom is seeing a different man, not my father. This man is dark and mean. He uses me over and over again until one day I'm pregnant. I tell my mom it was a one night stand with some college guy who I didn't know the name of. He thinks I'm sixteen.

The scene changes and i'm at a private school for teen mothers. I'm not the youngest here but I'm certainly one of them.

The scene changes and I come back for school, everyone thinks I lost the weight by going to a "fat camp."

The scene changes and I'm with Ryder, looking at his scars. My heart aches.

Everyone is broken.

I watch as I walk down the hall, a hat covering my hair, makeup covering my bruise.

If you continue to wear the label, then that's all you'll ever be. You need you to try.

It's that moment that I feel a weight lift off my chest as I grasp the word "try."

I wake up with a gasp, I can feel tears rolling down my face and someone stroking my cheek. As I open my eyes I see Ryder's mom standing over me, "Sweetie just relax. Everything's okay."

"Dr. Millington?"

She nods and reaches her hand up to press the button on the side of my bed, "Yes sweetie. It's me."

I look around and back at her, "Where's Izzy?" I ask frantically, "Where's Ryder?"

She cups my cheek, "Izzy is in the room down the hall, she has a broken arm, other than that she seems fine. Ryder is on the opposite end of the hall."

When she stops I look at her searching her face for some sign, "Is he okay?"

She presses her lips together, "He broke his leg and sprained his arm in the fall. He has a minor burn on his arm, other than that he's okay."

I sigh and wince as pain radiates through my ribs, "Oh god. It hurts."

A doctor and a nurse come in then and the doctor says, "Hello, I'm glad to see you're awake."

After Dr. Millington steps aside he takes out a small flashlight and shines it in my eyes, "My name is Dr. Matthews. I'd like to ask you a few questions if that's alright with you."