How to save someone from themselves

How to make the mental pain disappear?

Minghao stared at Jeonghan who was in the recording booth, he couldn't help but admire how thin he was, just like Jisoo. Those two looked perfect in Minghao's eyes, all members did, which made it even harder for him since he did not fit in.

He was jealous, he admitted to that. all members just looked amazing, were talented, great at everything they did, funny etc.

Sometimes Minghao wished he didn't debut with Seventeen so he didn't get to know them. But he was selfish and wouldn't want anyone else debuting with Seventeen because he loved them more than anything which made him want to try even harder to look perfect for them.

Yet at times like these, he just wished he never knew them at all. The times they were worried about him made him mad for what he did was none of their business. For he, wasn't worth their worrying

"Minghao, please, just talk to us, there's something wrong and I want to help"

"I'm fine Hyung, there's no need for you to worry."

"Listen, Minghao, you've barely spoked to us about anything but practice recently and I'm growing worried. You always lock yourself in your room and are on your phone doing god knows what."

"It's seriously nothing Hyung, I'm fine. I was just texting some of my friends, everything's fine."

Seungcheol just sighed before nodding at Minghao that he could go. He knew there was more to it than what the younger told him but he couldn't force Minghao to talk when he didn't want to. At least not yet, for Seungcheol swore that if Minghao kept acting weird, he will force him to talk.

Minghao however didn't want to say anything ever.

His plans to loose weight were his business and not seungcheol's.

He quickly left the room to go to the bathroom and lock himself up, since their comeback was approaching everyone had grown more busy and didn't really check on eachother as much as usual, they still did but it was easier to escape.

Since they all had different schedules, they all ate at different times and when they asked if everyone already had eaten, Minghao just had to nod his head and they'd believe him.

The comeback of course meant less talking to his friends in the chat, he dearly missed them but when he told them he was in a busy period, they understood.

Minghao washed his face before his gaze fell upon the scale. He hadn't weighed himself yet today and it was weighing down upon him.

He quickly placed it down and waited till it was ready to weigh him.

40 kg (88.2 lbs)

He had lost 13 kg (28.7 lbs), only 13 kg in three weeks!

He groaned in frustration, while the number didn't seem that much, the fat he could see on his body was.

His wrists were so fat he swore that even the person with the longest fingers on earth wouldn't be able to close their fingers around his wrist.

His chest was so fat he could see manboobs developing and his stomach was so bloated he could see it even through his shirt and hoodie.

His legs were disgustingly fat and the gap that's supposed to be between them wasn't there.

All in all, he was a walking ball of fat.

Trigger warning, my sick mind at work here, skip to end trigger warning if you get easily triggered.

Nothing worked!

What he did, it all failed! Everything!

He was a complete failure!

In a rage of anger Minghao grabbed the pocket knife they kept in the bathroom for safety if someone dangerous managed to break in.

If his fat wouldn't disappear naturally he would cut it away!

He angrily slashed across his thigh and only when the blood began streaming did he realise what he'd done.

He stared at the cuts he'd made across his thigh, it wasn't difficult to hide but the shock of what he'd just done quickly disappeared when he felt what it did to his body.

It felt ... relieving.

Like all mental pain and torment just left his body, the blood streaming down was soothing, it reminded him that he was still there, ready to fight. He would win this fight and come out on top. He'd finally be someone the other members could be proud of.

He smiled slightly before making another cut more carefully, watching as the blood, and with that, his pain streamed out of him.

And it was then that he understood it all. Harming oneself did not happen because someone was crazy, well Minghao did suppose he was a bit crazy, but it was mostly to relieve oneself from the pain.

But he also knew that other people who did not understand this looked at self harm as something mad people did. That it was disgusting and stupid.

And Minghao had to admit that his members were probably also that way, they wouldn't understand, so he was smart enough to only place cuts on places easy to hide.

End trigger warning, I apologise to everyone who read that part. I do not support self-harm btw, It may work soothing and help in the beginning, but you will only end up destroying yourself in the end so please DON'T DO IT.

When Minghao left the bathroom (after cleaning up of course) he could see his fellow members watching a movie, and for once, he did not feel worthless enough.

For once, he felt worthy to join them, so he did.

Perhaps because he had just relieved his pain did his mind finally allow him to rest.

Jun smiled widly when Minghao joined them.

"I'm glad that whatever was bothering you has been resolved since you joined us again, I missed you so much!"

Minghao just smiled in response for he knew the battle wasn't over yet, not at all.