BREAKEVEN

Teaser

Topher POV

Medyo nahihilo ako pero I still manage to drive my car home.
Nasa elevator na ako at paakyat sa floor kung nasaan ang unit ko.

Marami akong nainom kanina pero hindi naman ako sobrang lasing. Kaunti lang ang tama ko kaya nasa katinuan parin. Pag dating ko sa pinto ng condo ay agad kung itong pinihit.

Bago paman ako makapasok ay nakita ko ng nakatayo si Sharlene sa may sala. She was obviously mad and I know the reason.

"Bakit ngayon kalang? It's already 12 in the evening Christopher"

Bulyaw nya agad sakin. Di ko sya pinansin at dumiretso sa kusina para kumuha ng malamig na tubig pero sumunod parin sya.

"I'm still talking to you. Answer my goddamn question"

Uminom muna ako ng tubig smtyaga nilapag ang baso.

"I was in the bar!"

I saw how her fist clenched and she looked at me with disbelief.

"God. Christopher. You didn't even say that you are going to the bar!"

Napa 'tsk' nalang ako. As if she will let me go there if I told her.
Naglakad uli ako papuntang sala.
Pero agad nya akong hinarangan.

"Tumatawag ako sa office niyo at ang sabi sakin ng secretary mo ay maaga ka namang umuuwi pero di ka dito dumarating. Everytime na umuuwi ka lagi ka pang lasing. What the hell is going on?"

She said. No. Almost a shout. Galit na galit na ito.

"I just want to have fun. Mali ba yun?"

Sabi ko na oarang walang pakialam. Nakita ko syang napahawak sa noo nito na animoy di makapaniwala.

"For Pete's sake Christopher. Nagagawa mo pa talagang mag lakwatsa? May trabaho ka at mas inuuna mo pa yang bisyo at katarantaduhan mo kesa sa trabaho mo. What do you think, you're doing? Huh?"

Sumbat nya sakin pero humakbang lang ako paalis. Masakit ang ulo ko kaya ayoko makipag talo.

"I'm tired Sharlene. Matulog naoang tayo. I don't want to make any nonsense argument"

Narinig ko syang tumawa bahagya pero halata naman hindi totoo. It was not even a laugh but more likely an act of insult.

"Pagod? Pagod sa ano? Sa kaiinom? Sa ka lakwatsa? At sa---"

"SA GANITO. PAGOD NA AKO SA SITWASYON. PAGOD NA AKO NA ARAW ARAW NALANG AY BABANGON AKO NG MAAGA AT MAGTATRABAHO TAPOS UUWI AT TRABAHO PARIN. PAGOD NA AKO NA PURO NALANG TAYO TRABAHO. PAGOD NA AKO NA PARATI NALANG KAILANGAN KONG MAGPAALAM SAYO KUNG SAAN AKO PUPUNTA. PAGOD NA AKO NA PARATI NALANG MONG INUUNA ANG TRABAHO MO."

I closed my fist while saying those words. I saw how Sharlene was in shocked. Ako rin naman ay nagulat sa simabi ko. Pero I can't hold it back.

"Alam mo namang ginagaw natin tong lahat para satin diba? Para sa kasal natin at sa future natin."

"PERO SHARLENE. MAY BUHAY RIN NAMAN TAYO. WE ARE TOO BUSY LOOKING AHEAD THAT WE FORGOT TO LIVE OUR LIVES IN THE PRESENT".

I said whilr brushing my hair due to frustration.

"Nasasakal kana ba sakin Topher?"

Malumanay na tanong nya sakin kaya huminga muna ako ng malalim. I already told her everything and I can't it back.

"I need space Sharlene. I feel like I lose my life. I feel like I'm not happy anymore."

Sharlene just look down. I feel guilty but this is what I feel. I can't lie to her, and not to myself.

"Sorry!"

That's the only word I heard from her. The last word I heard from her until everything turns into vain. The last word she said to me.

I thought I lost my life when I was committed but when Sharlene was gone. I realize....

I LOST MY LIFE.
I LOST MY HAPPINESS.
I LOST SHARLENE.

And I don't know how to get her back.