Don't let go

Chapter 34

Nash's POV

Cameron had stopped having anxiety attacks a few months ago. Or at least that's what I had thought. He always was worrying about something. Especially after his dad left when he was little.

He always told me he thought it was his fault. He was always scared he would lose everyone in his life. That's why he freaked out every time someone would begin to leave.

After Chris left him, it went downhill from there. He knew that Chris was doing great works. But he was all that he had in high school.

I was the only one that had seen his anxiety attacks besides his mom. I knew what to do.

I picked him and brought him into my room. It took a while since i was wearing the crutches. Luckily, I was getting the cast off tomorrow. I locked the door. The worst thing to do was to have him wake up to a crowd surrounding him.

I laid him down on my bed and got the ice pack from the mini fridge. I laid it over his head.

The second the ice-cold material hit his skin, he shot up. We did the normal procedure.

"Okay ready? Count." I stuck up each finger one at a time as Cameron counted to ten.

"Let's talk. For real." I said.

"After the girls leave." Cameron said, walking to the bathroom to wash his face.

He violently tossed the water at his face and shook it off.

"What the fuck is wrong with me? So many fucking problems." He muttered, hitting himself in the head.

"Nothing is wrong with you. And you don't have problems."

He sat down next to me, punching his upper thigh.

"Yes, I have A LOT of problems. The problem, exactly, is that she dumped me. That I'm alone. Oh my God, I'm alone again. And not only that, but I'm a total failure in case you haven't noticed. I'm washed up. I'm former. Formerly the boyfriend of her. Formerly a prodigy. Formerly full of potential. Currently full of shit."

His grip tightened on his legs.

"Cameron! Stop! You're bleeding!" I yelled.

"I'm used to it." He said.

"Do you always do that?" I asked.

"Force of habit. Calms me down. Releases me." He said.

"Cameron, take off your pants." I said.

"Dude, I just got out of a relationship!" He yelled.

"No! Not like th- IM STRAIGHT!" I yelled.

"I- I know." Cameron said, clearly embarrassed.

"Take off your pants." I said.

"No!" Cameron said, clenching his shorts.

"Do it!" I said, sternly.

He sighed, then obeyed.

As he pulled them down, I saw the scabs all up his thigh.

He pulled his shorts back up as fast as he could.

"Cam- this isn't good." I said, staring in disbelief.

"90% of the time I don't know I'm doing it. Force of habit. I told you." He said, shrugging.

"Cameron... promise me you'll try to stop. I know it's on accident, but it's not good."

"Nothing's good these days." Cameron said, looking out the window.

"Just promise me." I begged.

"Fine. I promise." He groaned.

"Good." I was interrupted by a knock.

"We're leaving!" Laila said from the other side of the door.

"Coming!" I yelled.

I waited for Cameron to catch up with me and we walked out.

Cams POV

We walked downstairs with the girls. Taylor helped Kylie carry her luggage.

We got outside to Laila's car.

"I'm gonna miss the memories we have together. I love you guys." Laila said.

"Same." Kylie said, avoiding eye contact with everyone.

Taylor put away Kylie's luggage and hugged her.

He pulled away and came back in with a kiss. They did that for a while. It was more of a make out session than a goodbye.

Every time I saw her happy with him, there was a sharp pain in my heart.

You will understand one day.

It hurts to have someone in your heart, but not in your arms.

"Bye." I choked out.

I headed back to the hotel room.

I wanted to be alone.

I went to the bathroom and started a bath. I stepped into the hot stinging water.

[thirds person point of view]

He was tired of being rejected. It had happened to him to many times.

He laid back into the water, it slowly rising above his nose.

He stayed in that position until his head felt like it would explode.

He had three choices.

1) Stay under the water, mouth closed, with that feeling until, ultimately, he died.

2) Stay under the water, and open his mouth. Relieve the pain for a second and suddenly black out into death.

Or, 3) Come up above the water, catch his breath and live with the regret he could have ended his pain there.

He only had a few seconds to decide.

But his body wanted to breathe. He threw himself above the water and caught his breath.

His mind went straight to Kylie.

He was expecting a tear, or something at least. Maybe even an angry scream.

Curiously, he felt too depressed to cry. Too hurt. It felt as if she'd taken the part of him that cried.

But the more he thought about it, the more he wanted to.

He thought about the fact that he had her. The feeling of loving her and being loved by her welled up in him, and he could taste the adrenaline in the back of his throat, and maybe it wasn't over, and maybe he could feel her hand in his again and hear her loud, brash voice contort itself into a whisper to say I-love-you in the very quick and quiet way she always said it.

As if he were waiting for it, a tear finally rolled down his cheek.

Crying adds something: crying is you plus tears. But the feeling Cameron had was some horrible opposite of crying. It was you, minus something.

She had taken something of his.

Something he desperately needed.

And that was his happiness.