Beautiful Chaos

Le Panic

Darius^^

I was under the shower jets when the memory hit me with a bang.

"Mommy look at me!" I yelled in a tiny voice full of excitement.

"Please be careful." Mary called back, wringing her hands.

I lifted my hands up above my head like the child before me did, and I dived into the large pond of water. Instantly I was filled with regret. Terror gripped my body as water began to fill my lungs, and my attempts to breathe fell in vain. I fought with all I could, but I kept sinking into the water. I couldn't swim.

Suddenly I was being dragged out of the pond, but I was drifting in and out of consciousness. When I broke through the surface of the water, I sputtered all the water out of my lungs, and took big shaky breaths.

"Are you fucking stupid?" My step father yelled at me. "You don't seem to listen to a word I say. Well I'm going to teach you to listen."

He dragged me away from my momma and my friends, and took me into the cabin we rented over the Summer. He took me into his room, and pulled out his favorite switch.

"Come here." He commanded.

I shook with uncontrollable fear, and started gripping my hands in front of me. Tears started to leak from my eyes, but I held in my childish whimpers, because crying only made him angrier.

I walked over to him, my knees wobbling. He cocked his hand back and began lashing at me. He hit me everywhere he could. My hands, body, and my face. When he hit me in the face for the third time, I felt a warmness seeping from where he hit me. I touched it and it was blood. I cried out in frustration, and wailed for my mommy.

"Shut up useless piece of shit!" He yelled at me. When I didn't quiet down, he picked me up and threw me into a glass clock that chimes every hour. The glass gave away, and I felt a stinging in my thigh. I screamed in horror as I saw a piece of glass the size of my arm sticking out from my inner thigh.

Mary burst through the room and threw herself over me she took the rest of my beatings for me as she cried for me and begged her husband to stop.

I felt lightheaded, and I was seeing black dots cloud my vision. I was losing a lot of blood. That's when I saw my step dad pull out his shotgun.

        I was abruptly pulled out of my memory as a quick knock sounded at the door.

        "Hurry up and get out of there. You're wasting my time." Darius snapped at me in his usual snarky tone.

        I stared at my toes, as I felt it begin. A sense of dread washed over me as I calmly turned off the shower. My throat tightened and tears clouded my vision. I put my forearm up on the shower wall and put my head against it as I tried slowing my breathing. I knew that I was safe and that nothing was endangering me, but those thoughts couldn't stop the wave of hysteria and panic that overcame me. I started hyperventilating, and I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I wasn't getting enough oxygen.

        I cried out in desperation, a cry filled with agony and a deep sadness. I was wailing in the bathroom, afraid of lord only knew what. I slid down the shower and balled up on the floor as I started calling out Mary's name. But Mary never came for me.

        I could faintly hear the sound of pounding on the door, and my body instantly knew who it was calling my name. "Darius!"

        I called out for him in panic, and tears fell from my eyes in an endless stream of emotion. My throat tightened and I hyperventilated faster.

        The door was broken down in seconds, and I felt his arms go around me as I clung to him and shook as if I were freezing. My teeth chattered as the fear of dying overwhelmed my senses.

        Suddenly I was being deposited on a bed, and a cover was wrapped around me. Darius grabbed my face and forced me to look at him. I saw his lips moving, but I couldn't make sense of his words.

        My eyes swung around wildly.

        "Noel! Look at me. You're okay, nothing is wrong. Everything is alright." He said as he stared into my eyes deeply. One of his hands gripped my chin, and I was forced to see his deep green eyes filled with worry.

        I threw myself at him, and clung to him tightly, not noticing I was butt ass naked. I felt safest in his arms at the moment, and my hysteria slowly edged away as he said nothing else. Soon I could feel myself drifting to sleep. My body was warm, and I was worn out from the mental attack I just had.

        When I came to, I was laying in bed with a duvet spread out over me. My pillows seemed extra soft and I didn't want to open my tired eyes.

        When I did finally open them, I noticed Darius sitting on the edge of the bed, deep in thought. His hand seemed to be absentmindedly placed on my ankle soothingly.

        "What are you doing?" I asked him. My voice seemed to be sluggish to me.

        Darius pulled his hand away from my ankle as if he had got caught doing something he shouldn't have been. He turned to look at me, confusion written all over his face. "What happened in the bathroom?"

        My cheeks burned red as I thought about the little episode I had. "I'm sorry."

        He scowled at me. "Don't try to dodge the question. I've never seen you like that before, so what happened?"

        "It was a panic attack. I have a strong fear for water. I've always been scared of drowning, even as a child and I have never learned to swim because of this fear."

        Darius frowned at me before turning away. "If you can't take a simple bath without freaking out, then don't bathe again."

        I smiled at his words. "Awh, you were worried about me."

        His head snapped back at me. "What?"

        "You were worried about me, that's why you're being a butthole now."

        "No, I wasn't. I'm just making sure that you don't cause more trouble for the rest of us by just bathing." He stood up and left the room, slamming the door behind him.

        "He was so worried about me." I muttered to myself in a smug voice.

        "No the hell I wasn't!" He yelled from the other room. I giggled into my hand.