loveless // haylor au

chapter six

"I never felt so good or so bad,
went to hell and back, but it was worth it"

~

chapter six
the thin wall problem

July 9th

I stand in the crowd for, God knows how long, my pulse rapid under the skin of my neck and in my wrists.
I literally feel like I'm floating, about to pass out almost, and I move towards the men's bathrooms, holding the wall as I do so.

"I just had to know what you tasted like".

I barely recognise myself in the grimy mirror.
Her lipstick over my lips, like a regrettable, drunken tattoo.

I can't believe... she kissed me. I can't believe I kissed back.

I gather water in my hand and lather it over my lips, washing the taste of her away.
The red colouring, along with with water, circles the drain and disappears. I blink down at it, ignoring the other men walking past me to take a piss, blocking out the sound of the distorted music through the chipped walls.

My arms are holding my whole body up as my head hangs over the sink, bile forming in the back of my throat. I'm gripping the edges of the metal so tight, I'm afraid it's going to dent.

"I just had to know what you tasted like".

Why did she want to know what I tasted like?
Had she been... thinking about me like that?
What the fuck was going on?

My mind was racing with images. Images of Taylor Fucking Swift.

I couldn't stop thinking about her lips on mine, the feeling that erupted in the pit of my stomach, the slip of her tongue and the feel of her hands... I wasn't even thinking about Wes.

Well, not as much as I should be.

My grip was tightening on the sink, as if I was trying to hold myself back from running after her, and kissing her until we both suffocated under the pressure.

Was she still here? Just a couple of meters under where I was standing, downing another vodka diet coke, trying to forget what just happened?
Was she failing like I was?

I rubbed the back of neck, my eyes shutting underneath the harsh glow of the flickering bathroom light.

Had she gone home?
Had she began crying, just thinking about her betrayal?
Was her stomach in knots? Would she ever forgive herself?

'Oi, mate can you fuckin' move?' A stern voice growled, breaking me from my intense thoughts and I let the guy, not much older than me, through. I watched him wash his hands, then shoot me a glare. He wandered out, muttering something about me being a wanker.

I had decided that I was allowed to check for Taylor. As a concerned... something. This was a sketchy place, if she was still here, it was best to check.

If she was still here. Maybe it was a sign.

I walked out of the bathroom, searching the room for her familiar face. Maybe she'd come to look for me too.