loveless // haylor au

chapter nineteen

"I've sent out invitations,
It's getting frustrating waiting for you."

~

chapter nineteen
the journal problem

not edited oops

September 1st

Aurora Bouquet didn't look very welcoming on the first day of autumn.

I mean, it wasn't any different than what it usually looked like — apart from the fresh flowers out front, and a new hand painted poster in the window that was promoting carnations. If anything it looked more welcoming. I was just a pussy.
A young guy around the same age as myself seemed to walk on in just fine. Stupid prick.

I shoved my hands in my pockets and told my feet to move; to go in, but I couldn't, I didn't.
It wasn't the flower store I was scared of, it was the girl inside, who I knew had a shift because it was a Friday morning, and frequently on Friday mornings we would grab lunch, and then fuck on my desk while Al was on break. I wasn't expecting today to go like that. I would be lucky to walk out of there alive.

Approaching the shop slowly, I told myself she wouldn't be angry anymore. I told myself she'd be over it, and was just waiting for me to make the first move. Did I fuck up? Royally. But Taylor was a forgiving person, with a kind heart, and this would be over as soon as I apologised. As soon as I showed her how much she meant to me.

'Girls are weird,' Al had said to me the night before, 'You can't just say you're sorry. You've got to show them that you're sorry.'

I hated that I was taking advice from Al, who had never even had a girlfriend, or a... Taylor-like friend, but yeah, he was right.

So, that's what I was going to do. I was going to show her, if she would let me.

The little bell made a noise as I pushed the door open, and I swallowed thickly when I heard her voice.

'Good luck! Have a nice day,' she had said sweetly, directed to the man I'd seen walk in before. As he turned to leave — a huge bouquet of different flower arrangements in the crook of his arm — she saw me, a small gasp slipping from her heart-shaped lips.
They were red today, matching her blouse.

'Hi,' I said, holding my breath, preparing myself for the worst.

She spun around, turning so that her back was to me. I lurched forward, legs shaking.

'Taylor,' I said in a panic, 'I-', what was I expecting to say? Just blurt out phrases I wasn't even sure were true? I didn't say anything else, I let us both take a few moments.

'What are you doing here?' she asked firmly, and god I wished I could give her an actual answer.

'You weren't answering my calls.'

'For good reason, Harry.' There was silence for a few brief moments, but Taylor turned slowly, looking back at me, and there it was; the hurt in her eyes that I just did not want to see.  The hurt that I caused. It didn't last long. She narrowed her eyes, and the only evidence of our fight was the anger. The pure anger in her eyes.

'I'm sorry,' I said, mostly out of fear, 'I'm so sorry, please let me fix this.' It was desperate and pathetic but fuck, that's how I was feeling and I wasn't going to pretend otherwise. I'd hidden feelings from her before and it had gotten us nowhere.

'There's nothing to fix, Harry,' she said, slow, careful, like she was holding back, 'I don't want you to try.'

'There's everything,' I frowned and walked towards her until the only thing between us was the marble counter. 'I'm an idiot, I know that. I said things that were bad and mean and if I could take them back I would... I can't. I'm a wanker, and I'm sorry. I don't... want to lose you.'