loveless // haylor au

chapter twenty one

chapter twenty one
the abstinence problem

September 10th

Peace isn't quiet, or a holiday to the beach, or death.
It's not as simple as those things.

Peace is a girl called Taylor, laying in between your legs in the early morning of an Autumn day, bedsheets kicked down around your ankles, and cups of tea on the bedside table.

Her back leaning against my bottom half, the back of her head pressed into my chest, she had the journal I'd made for her in her hands, flicking through the pages.

'Is this true?' Taylor asked, going to a page in the beginning of the journal. I squinted in the lamplight as I read it.

'Yes. It all is, love,' I chuckled, feeling the pink in my cheeks deepen.

'You really ended up in that position?'

'Yes.'

Taylor snorted, going to the next page. It was quiet for a while longer as she read, and I closed my eyes blissfully, happy to just have her with me again.

It'd been a week, and things between us had been... well, everything. We talked. My god, did we talk. Real adult talking too.

'I shouldn't have to feel like this,' Taylor had said, sat opposite me on the couch in a pair of my boxers, and a maroon shirt. Her arms were wrapped around her legs — it was the day after she threw up in my flat. 'If I'm with someone it shouldn't feel this scandalous.' She was pale in the face, she'd been sick that whole day nearly, and I was adamant she'd had alcohol poisoning, but Taylor was stubborn, and the hospital wasn't an option.

'Don't you think it's always going to though?' I'd asked, 'I mean, it's crazy. Like, how we started, and now you and I, we're... together.' Taylors breath had hitched in her throat a bit, so I decided to backtrack, cheeks turning a bright shade of pink. 'I mean... we're something. More than what we were.'

Taylor nodded, nibbling on her lip. 'Harry... you mean a lot to me,' she admitted, avoiding my gaze, and I could feel my heart rate pick up. 'But what happened at the wedding-' Taylor paused, shaking her head, 'I meant what I said. About everything. And how... how you reacted... how am I supposed to continue whatever this is with someone who doesn't want to even hear me?'

'I did hear you. It felt like you were stepping on my heart.'

'And I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to hurt you. But, you can't treat me that way when you hear something you don't want to hear. I won't let you.'

I emitted a deep sigh, wishing I could get my point across. I only reacted that way because she was killing me. But, I kept my mouth closed. It wasn't worth losing her. I knew that.

'Okay. I know. I'm sorry. It's just... I didn't want it to end. I don't want us to end.'

'I know.'

It was a lot of, "I know's", and "I'm sorry's", and "okay's", before we finally settled on a plan. Or, an agreement.

'Well, if we're going to build something real...' Taylor said, standing up wobbly in front of me. She suddenly pressed a hand to her mouth, I readied the bucket beside me but she shook her head — taking a deep breath. 'Okay. If we're going to rebuild this, let's set some rules.'