A Royal Mess

5. War

The Eiffel tower is famous because it was never supposed to stay in Paris.

Gustave Eiffel designed it for the temporary Exposition Universelle. But it looked so strange and became so popular that they didn't destroy it. Paris's history is vast and filled with various such oddities.

When I was a little girl I used to think that this city was the most important one in the whole world. How could it not be? I have spent my whole life here and I always thought that I would spend the rest of it here too. But, I am not so sure anymore. I mean, I don't even know my own name now, if it's Alexis Roberts or is it Alexis Parker.

I had my first kiss beneath the Eiffel tower.

I guess not many people get to say this and that was what inspired Danny to take us there on our second date. He thought since it's a symbol of love, that people from all over the world come to visit to celebrate their relationships, it will make the date and the kiss memorable. It did make it memorable not because it was a once in a lifetime experience, like it is for many others, but because it felt familiar, it felt like home. Even when you grow up seeing the tower and then see it everyday hence, it's beauty doesn't decrease. When it lights up at night, that sight is breathtaking and precious. The tower isn't just a symbol of love for me, it's a symbol of home.

Now I find out that I was never supposed to love this city as faithfully and passionately as I have come to love it. I was never supposed to spend my days looking at people from all over the world come here and fall in love or discover how to stay in love, to find out how it gets better and more beautiful. Instead I was supposed to live in a country I know nothing about, grow up with a different history, with different structures to be proud about. It is unfair to hand someone the chance of being a part of something so wonderful and then to snatch it away this cruelly.

I think about the memories I have made with Jenna and my other friends here. I was never supposed to meet them. I was to grow up with some other kids out there, with a big brother and different parents, in a palace somewhere unknown.

My mind is trying to convince me to be with the people who've shaped their entire existence around me but my heart wants to meet the people because of whom I have an existence.

I think about everything I've learned in life from this city, from my parents and I can see my whole existence flash in front of my eyes from my childhood to now, while I lay out here watching the stars.

Have I been living a lie all these years?

I built a life for myself here, a life that brought me joy and comfort. Now a stranger comes into my world and tells me that everything I have worked towards was built on the foundation of a lie.

Would I have grown up to be the same person I am now if my real parents hadn't given me up?

Can I really blame them anyway? I mean look at me, I am nothing special, just a high schooler who isn't even that popular. How do I believe that I am supposed to be a princess. It seems farfetched and unreal.

This seems to be the biggest crossroad of my life. Who do I choose? What if I regret the decision I make today?

Stars don't become planets unless they die. I have to go through this trial in my life no matter the amount of sorrow, pain or heartbreak it brings me.

I've heard outrunning your past is as hard as outrunning your shadow and there's only so much running you can do before you are forced to face the music. And it seems, my past has finally caught up to me.

This is a fight between my mind and my heart, the fight between what I know, what I feel and what I have to do.

Now I may have to give up on my parents, Jenna, Maggie and friends, people I'd known my whole life if I wish to find out the truth about who I really am.