The Marine's Angel~

Chapter 26:

DISCLAIMER: Emails from 'Nicole' in the previous chapter are not real. And the song lyrics in this chapter ain't mine.

*****

I stared at the knife in front of me. Disgusted by the thought that even entered my mind.

But at that moment, all logic escaped me. Hurt clouded the heavy mind fog, and spread a thick layer of betrayal over my brain.

I was still deep in thought when I felt a dull pain in my arm that barely scratched at the pain I felt now. Looking down I saw blood on my left arm and at the fruit knife in my right hand.

"Fuck!!" I dropped the knife like it was the plague. Looking over at the cut I made, I traced my finger over it, coating it thick with fresh blood, lost in thought again.

What else did they talk about behind my back? Did he tell her about all our other problems too? And the solutions we found, were they all her suggestions? What if they went beyond the use of 'babe'... No, Damon wouldn't do that.

Really? Anything was possible at this point.

A knock woke me from my trance. "Amy, I need help with my project! You promised!" I faintly heard Nate's annoying, whiny voice.

"AMYYYYY." He continued to bang on the door.

Grabbing a bunch of tissues from my night stand, I wrapped them around my arm and hollered back. "Tomorrow, N!"

I sat back on my bed and stared at my arm. Blood had already seeped from the tissues. I applied pressure on it to stop the bleeding. My arm started to itch from the blood that had spread all over.

Never had I understood the concept of self-harm. I was quick to judge the people who did. Because there's always two reasons. One, for attention and second, they really were hurting. But I had thought there was always another way to solve problems. And there is..but right now, I understood.

Sometimes the emotional and mental pain is just so overwhelming, that you NEED to feel something else. Something physical. Some resort to sex, some by getting into physical fights, and some..just hurt themselves.

I understood it, but I'm not proud of it, nor do I plan on doing this ever again. But, if I'm being honest , it helped a little.

Sighing, I got up from the bed and walked into the bathroom to wash and dress the self-applied cut.

Now, to hide it from Missy.

-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-_-

Later that night, wrapped up in my comfy blanket, I sat in front of my laptop. Staring at the screen.

My body burned with anger. I was pissed.

Pissed at Nicole for being a 'friend'. Pissed at Damon for hurting me. Pissed at myself for believing them both. And pissed that all this effected me so damn much.

I needed an outlet.

I inhaled deeply, and started to compose an email.

*I'm glad u had an 'excuse to break up with me' and I know you didn't want to break my 'sweet little heart', but you have many times already. Unintentionally I know, so 40% isn't your fault.

Almost every night I cry. I was stupid. As always. But I still love u so much ..

I had so much I wanted to tell you. But no. Oh and I wanted to say sorry that 'we fought a lot'.
I'm not mad, I'm hurt.