Rescue Me (Fred|George Weasley Fanfiction)

Chapter XIII

            I smelled George… I smelled George but I still kissed Fred. I was interested in the lovely side of life but the familiar feeling I have with the darkness just came back. I can’t do this. If it’s not to hurt Fred or George it’ll be for me. I’m selfish but I have a weakness. Two, actually. I need to steady myself in my emotions and my life in general. I’m sinking and I don’t want them to go down with me. I have the unfortunate feeling that I’ll probably be able to sink on my own but they will jump down to get me. No matter what will happen, they will drown with me in a certain way.

            “What am I suppose to do?” I ask myself as I look up at the stars.

            I spent the rest of the day normal after Fred and I kissed. I couldn’t pretend like I don’t feel uncomfortable so I came here, near the BlackLake. It is pass curfew but I couldn’t care less. I am waiting for Fred and George to join me. I need to tell them. I need to tell them everything.

             I sit down on my knees and stretch my hand so it can go in the water. I would gladly take a swim later to calm myself but, until I don’t take everything out of my chest, I’ll wait.

            Fred and George appear and simply sit down on each side of me. I feel relaxed as much as I feel nervous. I don’t mind if they see me as a crazy lunatic after this, at least I told them the truth. I will possibly even rescue them from me.

            “I know we’ve been meeting for my problems a lot lately and I appreciate the fact that you still come instead of complaining.” I say without looking away from my hand that is caressing the water.

            “You problems are ours.” George points out.

            I look up at him and see him smiling at me. I smell his delicious odour. I force myself to smile back but I can just wobble my lips. You kissed his brother. I look down immediately. I feel Fred stroke my dry hand. I turn to him and see him looking down at my hand. He smells amazingly. I turn my hand over so he could touch my palm with his slim fingers. You love his brother as well.

            “I will hurt you.” I say aloud as the thought crosses my head.

            I was addressing myself at both of the boys. I don’t know how but they understood.

            “What do you mean?” George asks worriedly.

            “Last time, in Potion class, I smelled both of you. I smelled this amazing nature perfume that both of you have. My dreams are always about you too. It’s either one of you individually or both of you at the same time. I feel a feeling I never felt before and it hurts but it makes me happy at the same time. I pretend that I’m not hurt and I walk about the world like I’m having fun. I’m a mess right now and I know that whatever I feel, you will feel too but I don’t want that. Right now, you don’t want to be like me. You don’t want to see what I have seen and you don’t want to feel what I have felt.” I explain quickly but chaotically as tears and sobs are holding me back.

            I get up suddenly and take few steps away from them. I put my hand on my shirt and squeeze it tightly in my fist. Another dream? No. The feeling is pain and euphoria. I might know what it is. I think it is that feeling everyone talks about so negatively: love.

            Love…

            I love.

            I can love.

            I can love Fred.

            I can love George.

            But I can’t love Fred and George.

            What is wrong with me?

            I continue backing up until the back of my knees find a fall tree. I sit and look blankly in front of me. I can feel tears fall down and slide on my cheeks but I am not sobbing. I just let them know. The weight I had on my shoulders left and multiplied in few seconds before coming back on me. I see them come to me and sit on their knees in front of me.

            “I am so sorry.” I say with a tone that sounds like a loud whisper.

            They look at each other and shake their heads. They stand up and look down at me. That’s it… They just understood how bad of a human being I am. They are probably going to leave in the next few seconds. I will be lonely but I won’t feel as horrible as I thought. At least I will know that both of them are safe from me. I actually am drowning but they won’t.

            “Feeling sorry is the last thing we want you to feel.” Fred says.

            I look up from my fixation into nothingness and see both of them with an annoyed look on their faces. Annoyance or sympathy, I’m not sure. Both of them are bad to me anyway so I don’t bother finding out more. I stare at nothing once more.

            “As much as you want us to go, we won’t move.” Fred says.

            “You would be there for us if something happened, wouldn’t you?” George asks.

            I nod right away. The answer is obvious.

            “Exactly.” He adds.

            They throw one of their legs across the tree so they can face me. George looks down at his hands and lets one simple laugh escape.

            “If you’re emptying your bag then I will too. The Amortentia let me smell you too Analeigh.” He embarrassingly says.

            “I did too. And it sent me to the infirmary.” Fred expresses.

            Both of the twins laugh nervously.

            “What are we going to do? Nothing will be the same because of me.” I say.

            They stay silent for a second and so do I. It’s not one of these uncomfortable silence but more of a silence that is well needed to think.

            “Fred, I think I love the girl you love.” George tells him.

            “George, I think I love the girl you love as well.” Fred says.

            “I won’t do this to you.” I state.

            I get up, calmer, and walk back towards the castle. I am not worth them. I won’t make them fight or argue because of me.

            “Wait!” George demands almost desperately.

            “We can sort this out!” He adds.

            “Can we?” I ask.

            He looks down angrily and swears under his breath. Fred is just sitting down silently. He almost looks like a child for few seconds. I walk away once more and tell myself that I have done enough trouble. I hear George swear once more. I stop and look over my shoulder. He stands up and runs towards me. I understand if he wants to tell me everything he has on his chest so I turn to him and wait for him to start telling me all.

            “I didn’t mean to hurt anybody Geo…”

            I am interrupted with his lips collapsing on mine. His left hand slides under my hair and on my cheek. The other one goes on the small of my back and pulls me to him. He is mad. He is frustrated. He kisses me roughly. I get dizzy as I catch my breath quickly between two kisses. I’m a mess.