Mixed Signals.

62.

I haven't seen my wife and daughter in a year and 6 months. 18 months since I last spoke to them. I was broken, alone, heartbroken and devastated. I wanted them back but they had no contact with me anymore. Connor, Nat and Will had been helping me out as best as possible but again no one was sure what to say. I lost the ability to clean the house. I couldn't even be bothered to care for myself properly. I hadn't shaved or washed properly in weeks. I felt like I wasn't even able to be Jay anymore. Who was Jay without Erin? I wasn't able to do anything that I wanted to do normally.

"How are you holding up?" Adam smiled, it distracted me from spiralling into a unknown place in my own mind.

"Yeah good thanks mate. Found out some more today. They've moved to Californa. Long Beach. They have a 2 bedroom house, and Erin was meant to sign the divorce papers but has refused so I think we've still got a chance." I smiled.

"But aren't you seeing someone?"

"Yeah but if Erin comes back I'll have my wife back won't I?" I laughed.

"Okay...mate just look after yourself." He patted my back handing me a cup of coffee. I took a sip and then just looked around the office and at Erin's empty desk. I dialled her up on my the desk phone and rang her. The phone kept ringing and ringing and ringing.

"Hello. You've reached Erin's phone. Leave a message and I'll get back to you as soon as possible. Byeee." I just hung up with a big sigh and carried on with some paperwork. I think I'd been writing for about 2 hours when the phone rang.

"Jay Halstead. How can I help?" I sighed.

"Jay..."

"Erin...." I managed a small smile. Everyone looked at me in worry and woe. "How are you?"

"Yeah I'm okay..how are you?" She sighed with a very tearful tone.

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Come home? Please come home?"

"Jay. I want to come home, I really do want to come home. I promise I will come home but right now I'm not feeling ready. Right now I'm doing well with a job, Florence is settled into a school. Everything is well. I miss you and I love you so so much and I will be home at some point but not yet." It was like I could see her smiling down the other end of the phone.

"Can we just talk right now? Like have a normal conversation?" I smiled.

"Of course we can. Shall we start again?" She laughed. "Why hello Mr Halstead." She sniggered to herself.

"Ms Lindsay." I smiled. "How is your day?"

"It's wonderful actually. Very warm. I'm currently laying on a beach getting a sun tan. Yourself?"

"Working my ass off to cover your work. That reminds me what job have you got now?"

"I'm part of the Long Beach Police Department. I'm working with a great team of people and I love it so much. It's a 3 year contract and I'm halfway through now. Well about it that so after the 3 years it's down to me to decide what I want to do next. Stay and get a permant job or come home. How's work?"

"That's great...listen Erin I'm going to go but honestly I love you and I can't wait to speak to you. Shall I call you when I finish work?" I smiled.

"I'll give you a call when I pick up Florence." She coughed. "Also Jay another thing, Happy Annivesary."

"Happy Anniversary." It was the thing I needed. Hearing from her, everything being normal. Her telling me she loved me still. It was all normal and it made me realise how much we needed each other still and hopefully soon my daughter and my lovely wife would be home. She even remembered our anniversary was today! This told me everything I needed to know.

***

I put my phone down and put my sunglasses on my head with a massive smile. The sun was shining so brightly. I was happy I'd got a chance to speak to Jay and explain everything that needed to be explained. He had understood luckily and now I couldn't wait to get home and be with everyone.

I got home with Florence and sat her down on the sofa. I gave her my phone and pressed the call button.

"DADDY!!" Florence shouted with a massive laugh.

"Little girl." Jay smiled. The video call was great. I stayed out of the camera but I could see Jay. He was unshaven, a little beard, he was wearing his glasses and he looked very tired. I zoned out watching him with his smile while he was having a massive conversation with Flo. I just kept watching them both with big smiles.

"Mummy I think you should talk to him." Flo smiled.

"No it's okay." I sighed.

"Is Mummy there?" He smiled. Florence moved closer to me and got me into the camera view.

*

She suddenly appeared in front of me with a big smile. They were both so tanned. Flo's hair all tied in plaits and she had the most perfect little smile as she looked as Erin. I looked at Erin. My eyes were on her, her hair bleached by the sunlight, it was lighter and looking lovely. Tied back into a bun, curly bits sticking up. She was brown tanned and she looked lovely, her bright eyes piercing me. Her plump lips carefully pressed together with a small smile. I felt myself tearing up. She was wearing her glasses so I'm guessing her eyes had been playing her up. We were both struggling it was clear to see but at the same time the love we had for each other was still visible and clear. I was happy to be seeing her. We'd been on facetime for 3 hours when she left me to take Florence upstairs to bed.

*

I got Florence into bed and got in my PJ's and took my makeup wipes downstairs and sat back in front of the phone. Glasses still on both our faces.

"You alright?" He smiled.

"Yeah. You? Did Florence go off alright?"

"Yeah I'm good." I smiled. "Yeah Florence went down okay but she was so excited talking to you she asked when we can see each other?" I laughed. I took my glasses off and didn't realise how we'd actually taken our glasses off at the same time. We both burst into laughter and we carried on having a normal conversation. You couldn't tell what we'd been through recently. Then the doorbell went.

"Who's that?" Jay smiled.

"Listen I'm going to have to go. I compeltely forgot Ant was coming round to see me." I smiled.

"Oh it's okay sweetheart. I'll speak to you soon." He smiled before hanging up. I put my glasses back on and done up my dressing gown and opened the front door.

"Ant." I smiled.

"Hello babe." He laughed as he put his hands round my waist and kissed me gently. I couldn't help it but I moved backwards and just smiled at him.

"Listen I'm sorry but can we cancel tonight? Flo isn't well and I've got to look after her."

"Of course babe. I'll see you at work." He smiled. I saw him out before shutting the door and going back to the sofa and laying there crying. What had I got myself into? I spoke to Jay for the first time 18 months tonight. I've ruined everything.