Loyalty

Chapter 11: Infected.

Brian's POV

Jess arrived at my doorstep, only to be turned away again. This time by my girlfriend Lexi, and not my mom. I knew it must've been difficult for Jess. But I didn't know she would keep trying for this long. I thought she would've given up weeks ago. She kept hearing that I was too sick to see her, but I guess she figured out that wasn't the truth. But I couldn't tell her the truth. I haven't really told anyone the truth.

"That was Jess again," Lexi said, sighing and rolling her eyes as she returned from the door.

"How'd it go?" I asked her.

"She was annoyed at first, but then she just looked sad. That poor girl can't take a hint," Lexi remarked.

"I hope you weren't rude to her about it," I said. I was started to realize the effect this was having on Jess, and I didn't want to cause her any more pain.

"I just told her what she needed to hear. I think she just needed some tough love," she said.

Not long after Jess left, there was another knock at my door.

"Do you think it's Jess again?" I asked Lexi.

"Probably not. I think I put her in her place," Lexi said. She got up to go answer the door.

"It's just Sal," she called out from the other room.

"That's okay, let him in," I told her.

She opened the door, allowing Sal to come in. But Sal wasn't in a friendly mood. He came in, with Lexi following, not far behind.

"Brian, I need to talk to you. ALONE," he said, referring to Lexi's presence.

"You can talk in front of her, I don't mind her being around," I told Sal.

"You might not mind, but I do. Please, we need to talk. Man to man," Sal said, firmly. I wasn't sure what was on his mind, but he seemed serious.

"Fine. I'll go," Lexi said, rolling her eyes as she left the room. Clearly, she was annoyed about not being included in the conversation.

As soon Lexi left, Sal immediately went off on me.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Sal asked aggressively. But I'm pretty sure it was a rhetorical question.

"What do you mean? I had an infection in my brain, possibly meningitis, and..." I tried to continue, but he interrupted, not wanting to hear my explanation of my illness. That's not what he was looking for.

"So has this infection been affecting your thoughts? Or is it the painkillers? Seriously, what the fuck have you been thinking lately?"

"Sal, what are you talking about?"

"Okay, first of all, I don't even know what you see in that girl," he whispered, just in case Lexi could still hear.

"I don't know, Sal. I guess I'm just attracted to women who take care of me." I admitted.

"Oh, wow. That's very interesting," he said sarcastically, "Because I know one girl who would've taken care of you. A girl who would've done anything for you, actually. She told me that herself, a few minutes ago while she was crying on my shoulder."

"Jess was crying?" I asked.

I never wanted it to come to this. I would never want Jess to cry, and I sure as hell wouldn't want to be the reason she was so upset. I guess this whole thing was just spiraling out of control.

"Yes she was crying, you asshole. What do you expect her to do? You took someone who was one of your best friends, and you pushed her away like she meant nothing to you. I just don't understand. Don't you still care about her, or have you completely forgotten about her?"

The truth is, I haven't forgotten about Jess. How could I? Not a day has gone by that I haven't thought about her. Actually, since the day we've met, I haven't stopped thinking about her. But that was my problem. It was something I never fully explained to Sal or anyone for that matter.

"No, of course, I haven't forgotten about her," I told Sal.

"Then what did she ever do to you? Did you guys have a fight that I don't know about?" Sal asked.

"No. Nothing like that."

"Then I don't get it. What the hell is your problem?"

"Because I'm still in love with her!" I finally blurted out. "Is that what you wanted to hear?"

"Don't you think I know that? But what does that mean? Why does that mean you have to treat her like this?" He pleaded, still not understanding what I was trying to say.

I took a deep breath, trying to come up with the words to try and explain myself. I had been harboring all these feelings for so long. I never fully told anyone how I really felt, not even Sal, who was one of my best friends.

"I love her so much, Sal. More than I've ever loved anyone. But she doesn't love me. At least not in that way. It was getting too painful to be around her. I would always just stare at her and think about how much I wanted her. But she'll never want me,"

"So just because she won't suck your dick, you're going to cut her out of your life?" Sal asked, bluntly.

"Okay, fine. Maybe I'm being selfish. But when I got sick, it was just too much to deal with. I know Jess. I know she would've done anything for me. But that would've made me love her even more," I tried to explain.

I was trying to protect myself from falling deeper in love with Jess, if that was possible. That would've just made it more painful. But Sal was right, this wasn't the way deal with my feelings.

"Damn right it's selfish. Why don't you just tell her how you feel?" he asked.

"I could never do that," I said, shaking my head.

It's something I've always thought about doing. I've always dreamed about confessing my undying love for her, which makes her suddenly realize that we're meant to be together. But that's just a fantasy. In reality, I knew that would never happen. And I was always too terrified to tell her how I felt, terrified of what it would do to our friendship.

"Why not? What's the worst that could happen?" He asked.

"If I told her I loved her, then things would be weird between us. She would probably feel too awkward around me. We wouldn't be able to just be friends," I told Sal.

"Cause you two are such good friends right now?" He asked sarcastically.

"It's hard to be around her, Sal. You just don't get it," I said.

I couldn't get Sal to understand how I was feeling. I was never very good with words, especially about Jess. It's impossible to put into words how I feel about her.

"All I know is, whenever you decide to pick up the phone and call her, she'll be there. We both know that's just the kind of person she is. No matter what, she'll always be there for you. But don't take advantage of that. Because one day, you're going to push her too far, and she won't come back."

"But she's never going to love me," I told him.

"Don't be stupid. That girl loves you. She wouldn't be coming here every other day or crying like that if she didn't love you. Maybe it's not the same type of love you feel, but that shouldn't matter. She doesn't deserve this treatment, Brian."

"I know you're right," I told him, "But I just don't know what I should say."

"Well, anything has to be better than what you're doing right now," Sal told me.

"Fine," I said, finally giving in, "I'll talk to her. I'm not promising I'll confess my love for anything. But I'll try to make things right."

"Good," Sal said, relieved.

I realized that Sal was right, and I agreed that I needed top clear thing up with Jess. But I didn't want to just call, or text her. I needed to see her in person. I just needed some time to think of what I was going to say.

A/N: Sorry this chapter is kind of short! But the next one will be a long one, and it should be out soon because I've already started writing it, and it's almost done. Thanks to anyone who's written a nice comment, I really appreciate them!