Loyalty

Chapter 20: Fire.

Jessica's POV

While I was in the kitchen making us dinner, Brian was sitting at the counter, with the recent mail sitting in front of him. He began looking through it, when one particular piece of mail caught his attention. He picked up the envelope and tore it open. When he read it, his face dropped, and he had this look of sadness in his eyes.

"What is it, babe?" I asked him.

"It's from the FDNY. My leave of absence has almost run out," he told me.

"Well, what does that mean?" I asked him.

I knew that he had taken a leave of absence after the first season of the show came out, but I didn't know what the options were from here. When the show first started, he would spend all day filming, and then all night as a fireman. But as dedicated as he was to being a fireman, he just couldn't do both. It was just too draining for him, He was physically and emotionally exhausted. At the time, he didn't want to retire, in case the show didn't last another season. Brian was prepared, just in case the show didn't work out. Basically, a leave of absence holds his job, in case he wants to return.

"It says that I have to decide if I want to go back to the fire department. Otherwise, I have to officially retire," he told me.

"Oh, wow. So how do you feel about that?" I asked him.

Even though Brian wasn't actively a fireman anymore, it was still a big step for him to retire. While he was on the leave of absence, it was like the door was always open. There was always that possibility that he could go back. But having to retire meant that part of his life was officially over.

"Well, there's no way I can go back, while still filming the show. I did that the first season, and it was a nightmare. Plus, now we have so many more live shows now. Not to mention I'm supposed to start filming Victor Crowley soon. We just have so much going on, I could never do both jobs," he told me.

"Are you thinking about quitting the show?" I asked him.

Sometimes Brian mentions quitting Impractical Jokers or the live shows. But it's mostly done out of frustration, when he's having a tough day at work. I assumed that he was never serious. But now I wondered if it was something he was actually considering.

"I don't think I can do that, because it's not just about me. If I leave the show, it affects the other guys, and our producers, writers, and crew. All these people feed their families with off this show. I would feel selfish if I was the one to ruin it all," he told me.

"Just forget about everyone else for a minute. What do YOU want?" I asked him.

I didn't want Brian to be too focused on how other people would be affected. I didn't want him to look back later and regret not going back if that's what he really wanted. I didn't want him to feel resentful towards the show for keeping him from being a fireman.

"Well, I really did love being a fireman. The comradery I had with the other guys is kind of like the friendships I have on the show. And it was so fulfilling to help people, and actually save lives. But now sometimes I feel like I'm just making dick jokes on TV when there's something better I could be doing with my life," he explained.

"Brian... I don't think you're just making dick jokes. I know that it's not the same as rescuing people from a burning building, but you're still affecting peoples' lives. You guys give people laughter and hope, which can be very powerful too. When someone is in a dark, depressed place, your show can lift them out of that. You're still saving peoples' lives," I told him.

"I guess, you're right. So, do you think I should just retire? And don't give me that 'I'll support whatever you decide bullshit.' Tell me what you really think."