how it all went down {batfam}

twenty-four

[TW: suicide]

Cam was in her room thinking. The worse thing she does after a fight with her dad. She couldn't think correctly. That's when the thoughts would take over. When her horror began. I have to do this tonight. She wouldn't bother Bruce or her family anymore. Finally would be out of the way. But she had to be nonchalant about saying goodbye. She made her way to Cassie's room where she was writing a History essay due tomorrow.

"Hey, Cassie," she said wrapping her arms around her.

"What do you want?" she asked.

"Just wanted to see how you are?"

"Stressed. I have this due and Bruce is making everyone go on patrol tonight for no goddamn reason. And now you're here distracting me." Cam let go and stood up.

"I guess I'll leave you. Love you, Cassie." Cam walked out more disheartened than before. How could she say that? I was saying goodbye and got that! She went to Barbara's room next and saw Steph was with her. Two birds one stone.

"Hey girlies. Whatcha up to?" she asked.

"Nothing," they said slamming the laptop they were looking at.

"What were you looking at?" Cam asked as if they would tell her.

"Nothing. Some video Jess sent. Could you come back?" Barbara said obviously trying to get rid of her.

"Yeah. Sure. No problemo. Love ya," Cam said walking out. The girls immediately went back to seeing whatever the hell it was. Fuck! Did I pick the best or worst day to do this? She went into the kitchen and saw the boys talking.

"Hey guys!" she said lighting up. "I gotta say-,"

"Cam? What are you doing here?" Dick asked with confusion written across his face.

"What do you mean? I live here."

"Well yeah I know but have you not talked to Bruce yet?"

"What do you mean?"

"Bruce needs to see you, immediately." Cam was confused but didn't care about Bruce at the moment.

"I'm sure it can wait. What I'm trying to say is-,"

"Cam why don't you go see Bruce then talk. I'm sure what he has to say is more important than whatever is you need." That comment hit her like a ton of bricks.

"Yeah. I'm sure I can wait. I'll see y'all around. Love you," she said walking out. Are you fucking kidding me?! was what she managed to scream to herself while she tried to find Bruce. She found him in the place where they had their arguments. His study. She knocked and opened the door. There was Bruce who was sitting in the dark.

"Cam?" he asked.

"Bruce?" she shot back. "Dick said you needed to see me urgently."

"Yes, come in. I need to talk to you." She closed the door and sat down in one of the chairs, nervous. "I need to ask something of you," he said leaning in.

"What do you need?" Her voice was filled with hope. She was thinking maybe this will be something to turn her decision around.

"I need Black Bat to come back for tonight." Cam couldn't believe what her dad was asking of her. In that moment her heart dropped. She realized Bruce never cared for her. He saw her as a pawn in this game with the Joker.

"Why?" she asked with a disgusted tone.

"The Joker escaped and I know he has taken a liking to you-," Cam didn't hear the rest. The man who has haunted me has broken out the night I was going to kill myself. Fucking spectacular!

"No," she said cutting him off, not wanting to hear another word.

"What?" he asked.

"I'm not doing it," she said firmly.

"Why the hell not?!" Bruce said raising his voice not caring about how fragile his daughter was.

"Because I don't fucking want to!" she shot back louder than him.

"Don't raise your voice!" he said a bit louder.

"You want to use me as bait even after what he did to me?! Are you fucking serious?!"

"It's one night and the whole family will be there! You'll be safe!"

"I should've known you were asking for a favor when you asked to see me."

"Why can't you do this for me? Do you hate me?!"

"Well I kinda do. You want me to face my rapist after yelling at me this morning for bringing a friend to a party."

"God." Bruce put his head into his hands. Then looked at Cam with a disappointed look and said, "How are you useful?" She was taken back by his words. She couldn't keep it together. She got up and ran out tears streaming down her face. Alfred saw her and looked at Bruce in the study. Bruce saw him and yelled, "Don't look at me like that!" He went over and slammed the door grabbing the bottle of scotch.

Cam called Taylor while crying. She could barely form a sentence.

"Hey baby-," she started happily but got worried when she heard the sniffling and hiccuping, "What's wrong? What happened?"

"I can't do this-," is all she managed to say before Taylor disconnected. She looked at her phone and threw it against the wall. It's time.
~
The tears were stinging Cam's eyes as she looked at herself in the mirror. All she saw was the disgusting look on Bruce's face. She punched the mirror so it could no longer taunt her but it hurt more than she anticipated. She sunk to the floor holding her knuckles. She grabbed one of the shards of glass. All that echoed in her head were Bruce's words. How are you useful? It repeated itself multiple times until it became true. The family is already big enough and I'm just an unnecessary accessory. I'm the one who gets everyone into trouble and in harms way. So why am I here?

She got one of the blades and ran it along on her arm. It reopened a couple of wounds that were about to heal but what's the point?  She grabbed a bottle of pills she stole from Bruce's cabinet and poured them in her hand.

This is for Derek. She pooped one in.

This is for Andrew. Another.

This is for Bruce. Another.

This is for how weak I am. Another.

This is for what the Joker did to me. Another.

This is for being a disappointment. Another.

This is for being alive. And another.

She looked at herself on the bloody glass shard and saw a sick girl staring back. Someone unrecognizable. If I told myself this would be me a year ago today I would've laughed in my face. I saw how scrawny and pale I was looking. I did nothing but get in the way. Now I wouldn't be in the way.