doppelgänger [completed]

ten.

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"You can't avoid my questions forever, Jimin,"

"I'm not trying to,"

"Yet you are failing to give me something I can work with, here,"

"I just don't know what else you want me to say,"

"You're admitting to spiraling downwards after doing poorly at work. I think it's important that you've noticed this, so why aren't you giving yourself more credit?"

"I don't deserve any credit when I can see something negatively happening right in front of me and choose not to do anything about it,"

"It's different than previous times when you were more sick, don't you think?"

"Sure. But that's why I'm in therapy with you. I've gotten better,"

"You  have, and I'm proud of you. Though, we have to remember that recovery is about making changes. I think you are at the next point of a bigger change, and since it's scary or not going according to plan, you are reverting to old behaviors. And, you aren't really sure what to do,"

"I don't want to do anything I'm supposed to do. I just want to sleep,"

"It worries me that you're coping mechanism is to sleep. Remember that sleeping is okay as long as it's not interfering with your daily life. And right now, it is,"

"I'll try not to sleep as much,"

"When was the last time you went to work, Jimin?"

"I went in yesterday, but I left after lunch,"

"Why was that?"

"I guess sleeping so much messed up my schedule. I was so tired,"

"And today?"

"I had off today anyway. But I'll go tomorrow, I promise,"

"How is Taehyung?"

"Oh...he's...we're good,"

"How is he taking everything with your demotion?"

"I don't know. He wants me to find another job, somewhere not as degrading, I guess. Maybe he's embarrassed by me working there. Maybe he's embarrassed of me in general,"

"You're projecting, Jimin..."

"He wants me to let him be there for me more but, it's like every time I open up to him about something he has the opposite to say. It's not support, you know? It's just like my mother, or anyone else in my life. I never have anyone just tell me that I'm doing good, or they are happy with my decisions. Or that they are fine with me just the way I am. It's always has to be something along the lines of how poorly I'm eating, or how dirty my hair is, or how stupid my job is. Why can't I have people in my life that just love me for me? Why do they keep trying to change me into someone I'm not?"

"When you have episodes, Jimin, you are not easy to get along with, and that's not a flaw. It's your depression. Doing these things, or not doing these things can cause the people in your life to be concerned and worried, rather than compassionate and carefree,"

"I don't want anyone to be worried. But I can't be happy all the time. When I met Taehyung...God, that was an accident. I shouldn't have even been at that train station. I shouldn't have even been there, you know?"

"You were there because you were in a good place to actually get on a train and take time for yourself. Would you have ventured off and done that while you were sleeping in bed?"

"N-no, I know. We've been over this. I get it. I'm a better person when I'm healthy...I get it. I do. I get it. Okay? I get it!"

"Please don't get upset. Just tell me how you're feeling,"

"I feel like I'm two people, and there is one of me who can take random trips on a train and meet the love of his life and run errands for his mother and do well at work, and shower and clean my dorm...and then there is another one of me who craves the darkness, and doesn't want to be alive,"

"Jimin, are you suicidal right now?"

"No,"

"Are you a danger to yourself?"

"No, I'm not,"

"Are you eating?"

"A little,"

"Are you sleeping because you might hurt yourself?"

"Sometimes it feels like that. But I don't know,"

"Jimin, I want you to go back on your medication,"

"No, no please don't make me. I'll go back to work, I'll start cooking again. I'll go back to the gym and I'll bring Taehyung with me to my next session, but I don't want to go back on those meds,"

"It'll be a low dose this time, okay?"

"I don't want to..."

"You need to get out of bed and life your life, Jimin. Here's the script. I'm not forcing you to do it, but if you want to get better and get out of this episode, I think it's the best shot you have,"

"I'll do better...I promise,"

"You told me all the things you know that you can be. You told me the person you want to be that you know you aren't. I believe you are that person, Jimin. Don't prove this to me, prove it to yourself,"

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