In the feels

April 18, 2018

This chapter might get a little sappy.
But I promise you.
I can't say it any other way.
I need to get it off my chest.
I need to let you know.

Salty:
I love you so much. You're like the brother I've always wanted, and the friend I've always needed. You always know how to make me talk and let out my problems (even when I don't want to) and even tho I might hate it at the time. It helps so much. You're amazing and I'm so glad I have you in my life. And I love how I can literally tell you anything and you don't mind. And I love how we can speak to each other through music. For example, when you send me pics of you listening to fall out boy, I can tell you're in a good mood and it puts me in a good mood. You're also an amazing dance partner. I don't trust anyone else to dance with me and not step on my feet. With you it comes naturally. And I know I may take smaller steps then you but I know you don't mind cuz you just take em a bit smaller for me. I can't wait till we hang out in the future cuz it's gonna be awesome. We'll blast fall out boy, raw sremmurd, and more while we play Fortnite and eat a bunch of crap. Anyways, thank you for being in my life. Thank you for being you 💗

K:
You are one of my favorite people in this entire planet. Honestly I can't imagine my life about you, and I know this sounds weird but I'm always thinking about you. We go through periods where we won't talk but when we do it's like no time has passed. You are so important to me and gosh, you're my sister K! You're so pretty and honestly I'm jealous of how creative you are. I couldn't come up with half the story ideas that you do. I love how I can be my weird and loud self around you (which I rarely show to anyone) and you don't mind cuz you're the same!! I mean come on, I'm pretty sure we're the only people to decide to jump on a trampoline at 11:30 pm in freezing temperatures. And tbh I loved doing the different k-pop dances with you. And tho I might not admit a lot, and you'll probably never here me say it in words. I do like BTS. I've listened to a lot of their songs lately because of you!! I'm so glad you've entered my laugh. We've had our ups and downs but through it all you've stuck. You've brought in so much joy and laughter into my life and I can't thank you enough. I love you a ton 💗

TJ:

Man, we've only been friends for a little over a year, but I feel like I've known you my entire life. You entered my life when I was far from good but you helped me. Even when I had mental breakdowns, panic attacks, suicidal thoughts, you helped me through it all. I can't thank you enough Teej cuz you literally saved me. You were the one friend I needed at the time and I'm surprised you stuck around through it all. You always manage to make me laugh and smile, and you're there for me when I need you most. We don't talk as often as we used to but I feel like our bond is still the same. I hope you stick around in my life for the rest of it because you are a unique person. You're a one of a kind friend and I'm lucky to have you in my life. I remember when we used to do our late night FaceTimes or see who could stay up the latest and whoever lost had to buy the other their favorite candy. (I always won if you don't remember) I can't wait to make more memories like that. Or even when you kept pulling out the hair from Fredward (the troll plushie your grandma got me which i think is still at your place). I love you so much TJ! You're practically my brother. Thank you for being in my life. 💗

Sel:

Wow, our 1 year friendaversary is coming up. May 5th if I remember it correctly (which I probably don't). You are the most amazing internet friend ever. Seriously I've never met someone who rants about emo bands as much as me. Until I met you. And don't get me wrong I love it!! You're so sweet and always know how to make me smile. And thanks to you I've made other amazing internet friends like our bitch Bad fishy Trishy/Triscuit!! Seriously like the bitch group we've formed wouldn't be the same without you. I can't wait till we meet for the first time. We'll watch supernatural, CrankThatFrank, listen to the emo quartet and I swear I'll eat something you want me to if you eat a lil bit of avocado (seriously they aren't that bad). You're amazing Sel!! All the late night calls we've had, all the memes we've shared, they've all left a mark on me. You're important to me and my life. You're part of my family whether you like it or not. I love you a bunch Selena 💗

To everyone:

You guys are my family. I may not be 100% on what I want in life, who I truly am, and all that crap. But I am 110% certain that I love you guys and trust you with my life. You all have impacted me in ways I can't imagine. Honestly I wouldn't be who I am today, and wouldn't have gotten this far if you all didn't show up in my life when I did. There's been days where Ive seriously doubt who I am, what I'm doing with myself, and if it's worth it. I always felt like an outcast and all alone. I still do a bit, it's just who I am. But when I'm with you guys it goes away and I'm learning that I can be myself. You guys bring out the best in me and I can't thank you all enough. I hope you guys all stick around for the rest of my life because i can't picture without you all. You're my true family. Thanks for reading this. I love love love LOVE you guys with all my heart. I know I may suck at showing it at times or at times I might seem like I'm only focusing on one of you or someone else. But you guys will always have a special spot in my weird little heart.
- Lily Anna Smalling ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️