In the feels

April 19, 2018

I'm trying.
I really am.
I've started putting more work into school.
I've gotten my grades up to Solid A's
and B's.
Which I know may not seem much.
Everyone pegs me to be smart,
and I've always been told I am
cuz I've had straight A's every year.
But this past year I had given up.
There was times when I had D's
and at one point an F.
It was like that for a while.
But something clicked
and I started trying harder.
I spend longer time on school work now and try to really understand it.
My grades aren't perfect.
But I'm trying.

I've started mending relationships with my family.
It's hard.
They all seem to hate me.
And I will admit,
I do give a lot of attitude.
I'm a total bitch to them.
But I've been doing chores without being told to.
I'm doing what my mom asks me to do.
Without complaining.
Well...most of the time.
Things aren't the way they should be right now.
But I'm trying.

I'm trying to be more happy with what I'm doing.
I'm constantly thinking.
And I'll admit it's not always joyful.
But when those thoughts come up.
I've been trying ways to get over them.
Or forget them for a little bit.
I'll listen to music.
Think of things that make me happy.
Even today.
I tried living in the moment.
Rather than being in my thoughts.
And it helped.
It really did.
I'm nowhere near 100%
But I'm trying.