In the feels

April 12, 2018 pt. 2

I miss him.
I probably shouldn't,
But he's the one who called it off this time.
3 years.
We'd been together on and off for 3 whole years.
Through it all there was a part of me,
That was hoping we'd be together by the time I could officially date.
Cuz he's my person.
I love it when he laughs
He uses his whole body.
And it's very contagious.
I love his awkwardness
Cuz it's cute.
Even when he stumble his words and sometimes sends very confusing texts.
I still think it's cute.
Even when he gets so frustrated at me for stealing his things in fortnite,
Or killing him in Minecraft.
Or even just when I'm my obnoxious self and he puts up with me.
I think he's amazing.
And his hugs. Oh my...
I'd never felt so safe in a hug before.
I'm so hung up on him.
And I shouldn't be.
He was the one who called it off.
He was the one who said we make better friends.
And maybe we do.
But I know,
That I don't wanna just be friends.
I want him.
But he left.
Cuz I couldn't officially call him mine.
Cuz I followed my parents rule.
But I want him.
I really do.
We've gone through so much shit together.
And now that I can't have him.
It makes me want him more.
I don't know what to do.
And what sucks is that,
He doesn't know I feel like this.
Cuz I told him that I agree we should stay friends.
Cuz I didn't want drama,
I didn't want him feeling bad for leaving me when he wasn't into the relationship anymore.
Cuz if he's happy.
Then I'm supposed to be happy...
Right?