Wanderlust • meanie

021 • Letters

PAST
five years ago

September 2, 2013

Dear Wonwoo,

Have you ever felt the need to like something just because the person you're interested to has a forte in that aspect?

You see, paintings are pretty meaningless to me. They hold no profound emotions to a person like me who have zero interest in it. I have never understood how people would always say that paintings hold thousand of emotions and meaning-when in my eyes, they are just. . . paintings. A plain simple canvas that was imprinted with streaks of different hues of paint with shapes and lines that forms ridiculous context and scenes.

Nakita ko ang painting mo dahil sa art exhibit ng arts & design track. When I first saw your one and only painting displayed in the exhibit-I got captivated with it. Hindi ko ba alam, pero naramdaman kong umatras ang puso ko, at saka tumibok nang sobrang bilis nang makita ko ang nais ipahiwatig ng napinta mo.

It was the first time that I felt things with a painting.

Sabi ng kapatid ko, talaga nga bang tumibok yung puso ko sa painting na iyon o tumibok yung puso ko dahil sa nagpinta nito? Do I really genuinely liked the painting by itself or I liked it just because you made it?

I'm sorry for such a random thought, I just want to share what was bothering me.

Love,
M

P.S. Care to share your thoughts about this? Palagay sana sa locker #114 yung sagot mo.

•••

"Deep." Sambit ko pagkatapos kong mabasa ang letter na nabasa ko mula kay M. I didn't expect that he could have these kind of thoughts. Very thought-provoking.

"Woo, tara na, baka ma-late pa tayo." Napatingin ako kay Jeonghan na kakasara lang ng kanyang locker. Nilagay ko sa file case ko ang letter at saka kami naglakad ni Jeonghan papunta sa third subject namin para sa umaga.

"Han, saang strand ang lockers 110 to 115?" Tanong ko sa kanya.

"STEM 11 ata." Matipid nitong sagot.

"Pasama nga mamayang lunch, pwede?" Tanong ko.

"Anong gagawin mo dun?"

"May nakuha nanaman akong letter kay M. Locker number 114 ata siya."

Nakita kong napangiti si Jeonghan, "Nako, ba't 'di pa kasi kayo mag-meet? Ang torpe rin ng admirer mo na yan ha." Pang-aasar niya.

Napangiti naman ako nang bahagya, "Pagbigyan mo na, mahirap rin kaya humarap sa crush mo."

"'Di kasi ako ganyan kaya 'di ko ramdam eh."

Natawa naman ako, "Aba, ikaw ba namang walanghiya ka. Harap-harapan mo ngang nilalandi crush mo."

"Shh, don't expose me." Natawa kaming parehas.
Pumasok na kami sa third subject namin. At sa buong discussion ng boring namin na teacher, hindi ako nakikinig o nagsusulat ng kahit anumang notes. Kundi, nag-iisip ako ng pwedeng sagot sa tanong ni M.

Halos ilang minuto ata akong nakatulala hangga't napagdesisyon kong kumuha ng bond paper at ballpen upang magsulat ng sagot.

•••

September 2, 2013

Dear M,

For a person who only sent and wrote me compliments about myself, I didn't expect you to ask such questions.

Based on psychological views, they always say that when you like someone, you tend to engage yourself to the things that they like even though you have zero interest in it in the past.

Perhaps, you're fully aware of the saying that "love is blind". Sabi nila kapag may mahal kang tao, halos lahat ng nakikita mo sa kanya ay maganda at tama. Na kahit mali at hindi maganda ang kanyang pinapakita, para sayo, tama pa rin ito. And that's where the famous saying lies ahead, you are blinded by love.

Kaya siguro tumibok yung puso mo dahil alam mong ako ang gumawa. Maybe if you didn't know that I painted that piece—you wouldn't feel anything about it at all.

In general, what I'm trying to say is that love makes your views and perspective about a particular topic change in a way that composes the one you love to be happy. Just for the satisfaction that you'll put a smile in their face.

Love makes everything magical. Perhaps, your views about paintings changed because of me? Love changes anything.

Love is complex, it's hard to explain and fit it in a short bond paper. Marami pa akong gustong sabihin, ngunit, hindi ko sila kayang pagkasyahin sa isang papel lamang.

Sincerely,
Wonwoo

P.S. Hindi mo pa ba rin ba ako haharapin?
Maybe we could talk about this topic some time personally? I love deep talks, you know haha.

•••

"Jusko Wonwoo, ano ba 'tong pinag-uusapan niyo? 'Di ko kayo maintindihan." Umiiling na sambit ni Jeonghan nang makita niya ang sinusulat ko. Hindi ko napansing binabasa niya pala ang nasa papel na hawak ko.

I immediately folded the paper, "'Langya ka, ginulat mo ako." Pabulong kong sigaw.

Pinitik niya ang noo ko, "Makinig ka nalang sa prof natin, may quiz daw bukas."

Napa-buntong hininga ako, quiz nanaman? Nakakasawa na.

•••

Nang dumating na ang lunch, kaagad kaming dumiretso ni Jeonghan sa locker area ng STEM 11. Nakailang ikot ata kami hanggang sa makita namin ang locker 114 na nasa pinakadulo pa pala. Nakita kong isa itong bakanteng locker ngunit may padlock na nakalagay rito. May nakadikit pang sticky note kaya kinuha ko ito at binasa.

Wonwoo,
Lock the locker after you insert your message. Kunin mo na rin yung susi, may duplicate naman ako.

Love,
M

"Huwag mo sabihing binayaran niya pa 'tong locker na 'to para lang sa inyong dalawa?" Rinig kong tanong ni Jeonghan pagkatapos naming mabasa ang mensahe.

Umiling ako at napangiti, "Ma-effort. Plus points."

"Alam na, haha."

Nilagay ko ang letter ko sa locker at kaagad itong ni-lock.

Pagkatapos, dumiretso kami ni Jeonghan sa cafeteria. Habang naglalakad kami, bigla nalang siyang nagsalita, "Sa tingin mo, Isa kaya sa mga admirers mo ang M twins?"

I shrugged, "Dunno. Kung isa man sa kanila, edi. . . " Nag-isip ako ng pwedeng madudugtong pero, ". . . Edi okay. . . ?"

Jeonghan snorted, "Lame, lame, lame. Pustahan isa sa kanila admirer mo. Bet ko si Minsoo!"

Umiling ako, "At talagang pinagpustahan pa talaga?"

"Just for fun!"

"Ewan ko sayo."

"Basta si Minsoo bet ko."

I can hear my mind silently saying the other M's name.

I shook my head, sana si Mingyu.

•••