Oh, You Go Sailing

tentative

I am not living my best life
I am tentative
Standing on tiptoe in the kitchen
Desperate to overhear whispers of conversations that probably aren't about me but should be
There are wishes where there once were stars
Realizations hitting me
Like meteors to earth
I didn't get what I wanted this time
If you hadn't killed my last shred of confidence
When I was driving up to see you
That picture- her hanging on you
Possessive
I was jealous and I cried at a red light
A guy in a Jetta peering at me, concerned
That picture was all it took
For me to turn that memory of us
Wrapped up and lost in one another
Into a writhing, cringing memory
Making me wish I had saved that part of myself
Because you didn't deserve it
I have lost my mystique
You look and you know what you're getting
There is so much mystery left
In all those girls out there
If you hadn't posted that picture
I would've shown up at your doorstep
To tell you what I needed to
I love you, I need you, I've waited so long
I just can't wait anymore
But when I saw it
I just knew
You weren't thinking of me at all
I hung up our potential like a coat
Stuffed in the back of my closet
Jostled occasionally when dusting or organizing
I come across you
And sigh
My heart so empty and so open
I loved you and goodbye
I can shut you in tightly there
To guard my heart from pain
But I used up my only coat to save me from the rain