Unstable || Prinxiety

Chapter 21

(Roman's POV)

Song: The Nights - Avicii  

He was shaking when I pulled him over the rails, yet I wasn't concerned. My relief overpowered that. Scanning his body, I was relieved when I realized that he wasn't injured - at least not physically.  

I wanted to ask him what he was thinking, but I knew if I did that I'd end up yelling. It's not like I was angry - because I wasn't - I was just... Confused. Did he purposely jump over? Was he pushed? A million question were abusing my mind all at once, yet looking at Virgil now, I knew that I'd have to wait for the answers.

I finally settled for a seemingly easy question, "Are you alright?" but I knew that the answer was bound to be complex and layered. As I expected, his hesitation and reluctance to answer was almost palpable.

"I think so," he replied slowly. But there was one piercing question that was burning in my mind, one that wanted - no needed - answering.

"Why did you do it?"

For a moment, he looked at me blankly, almost like he wasn't sure what I asked. His face was almost unreadable, a perfectly practiced, artificial mask that, despite all he's gone through, still managed to be sickeningly intact. That slight detail hit me the most; did he not trust me even after all we went through together? However, a flicker of recognition flashed through his eyes, seemingly against his will, singlehandedly betraying him and causing the perfect crafted mask to crash down in one blow. I could see him choosing his words carefully, before sighing and replying reluctantly.

"I don't know," he whispered honestly. It was so soft that if I hadn't been paying such close attention I would have missed it entirely. His eyes were growing more and more panicked, torn between being scared of the balcony and of himself. I stood there, silent, unsure of what else to do. It must have been something I'd done. What else could it be?

We stood there speechless for a moment, Virgil looking at me with wide, tear-filled eyes and an expression filled with a blend of regret, sadness, hurt, and guilt. I myself, for once in my life, didn't know how to feel. The air around was thick and stifling, tainted with sadness. He brushed his eyes and turned away, but was not quick enough to hide the tear the slid down his cheek, following a path that had been paved by many before. I felt a pang of guilt hit me as I realized how desperately sad he looked. 

"I'm sorry," I stated, and even to my own ears, I could hear how feeble I sounded, noticing for not the first time how completely useless at comforting people I am. Patton should be here instead of me.

"What for?" he replied, looking confused. The truth was, I didn't even know myself. I just knew that I was somehow at fault. 

"I just - I didn't realize," 

"Of course you didn't. I didn't let you." He sighed, refusing to make eye contact.

I pushed aside my worries and regrets, sure that I was taking up time that could be better spent. Instead, I focused on taking him to help - or more specifically, Logan. Although he said he was fine, his body said otherwise. The shaking in his hands was more violent than ever, and his face was frighteningly white, contrasting to his clothes like street lights to cracked pavement.

"Let's get you to help," I offered, slinging his arms over mine and walking together awkwardly to the door. 

"Uh... you know I can walk, right?" he countered, smiling slightly yet genuinely - one I hadn't seen in what felt like forever - causing a painfully embarrassing blush to crawl to my cheeks. Yet, I instantly saw the Virgil I knew, which lit happiness within me like a match to a candle. The funny, sarcastic yet standoffish and independent one. The person who wasn't afraid to say their opinions yet was at the same time. 

I smiled in return. Sure, his was slightly shaky and wobbly - like a fault line - but at least it was something. And I could work with that.

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A/N

Happy Anzac Day to any Australians! ❤💕💜💙❤💕💙💜