Unstable || Prinxiety

Chapter 4

(Virgil's POV)

Song: My My My - Troye Sivan

Why does everyone hate me? Why does everyone just assume the worst? I can feel glares bare at me through the back of my head; feel the stinging heat of my blood as it flows through my cheeks, turning them visibly red even under the pale foundation smeared hastily over my face like a mask. A mask that hides my emotions from the outside; a mask that does little to console the torrent of emotions constantly turning under my skin. A mask of lies and insecurity. You'd think by now I'd be used to the glares, the mutters. But I'm not. I don't think I ever will be. Maybe it's because there's a part of me that think's they're being unfair - that I'm normal. Or maybe it's because there's a part of me that think's they're right, a part of me that wants to hide from the truth.

I'm sitting outside the Meeting Room where Logan asked me to go. I really don't want to face him, but after the call on the loudspeaker, I know that avoiding Logan is near impossible. I press my earphones into my ears, relishing in the song as it fills my head. Music is an ocean inside me, pounding furiously in the sides of my head. The base drum beats rhythmically, steading my emotions. I can easily lose myself the ocean of music in my head, so I have to make sure I pay attention to my surroundings. As the music builds, the ocean in my head draws back, climbing higher and higher as the beat readies for its drop. 

The beat drops, sending the ocean of music crashing forward, slamming into the walls of my mind and sending electricity through my veins. It drowns out all of my fears about the meeting, leaving me a different, relaxed person. That feeling of relaxation is shattered, however, as Logan opens the door and beckons me forward, making me jump out of my seat and pull out my earphones.

I try to think of something to say as I follow him, but I give up almost immediately. What can I say when I don't even know why I'm here? I change my expression to one of annoyed resentment as I take my place opposite of him, hoping maybe he'll let me go if I look like I don't want to be here. He looks at me and smiles almost guiltily, folding his hands on the table and pouring me some water. Passing the cup to me, he opens his mouth reluctantly and starts talking.

"Virgil, I wa -" 

"Don't call me that," I cut off rudely, scowling at the elder. How dare he call me by my name, acting like we're friends. Something here is suspicious.

He sighs, obviously annoyed, and I can feel his patience wearing thin. I can also feel something else, he's... nervous? What could Logan possibly be worried about?

"Anxiety. I'm sure by now you've heard the rumors about you, how you're... Unstable" he trails off, looking at anywhere but me. 

"What?" I exclaim, feeling myself begin to mirror Logan's nerves. "Are you going to banish me? You think the rumors are true? That I'm Unstable?" My eyes widen. Oh my God, they're going to send me away. They think I'm dangerous. How could someone as smart as Logan not see that I'm normal?

"No Anxiety, look at me. No one is accusing you... yet. We've decided to put you under surveillance until we've come to a conclusion. I myself have my doubts, but there are some people that swear you're dangerous and considering you're so important to Thomas, it's important we don't take any risks." he looks at me directly, hesitantly grasping my hand in an act of compassion. I'm too in shock to take it away and instead I  focus on not crying. How is this actually happening? 

"Wh- who's saying I'm dangerous?" I manage

"I can't tell you yet. We promised them anonymity. In the meantime, you'll have someone surveilling you until we've made up our mind."

"Who's that?" I ask, frowning. It better not be -

"I am. " a familiar voice comes from behind me, and I close my eyes. Of course. I turn around to look at the person, confirming my suspicions. It's Roman.