Unstable || Prinxiety

Chapter 22

(Virgil's POV)

If I asked you what the worst decision you'd ever made was, would you know your answer? Probably. It seems like our worst decisions eat us up inside, always perched on a distant ledge ready to torment you when you least expect it. And currently, that's exactly what's happening to me. Except that decision isn't just affecting me, it's also eating at those around me.

Just looking at Roman's face and the way he's interacting with me, I can tell he's more than shaken. The care and caution that he uses around me makes it clear that what little trust he'd had in me is completely gone, and if he'd ever thought that I wasn't Unstable, it's clear that he does now. I suppose I should feel regretful, but I don't. Maybe that jump off the edge was the thing I needed to realize how much my life really means to me.

I sit in Logan's room, waiting for him to come and 'talk to me,' whatever that involves. Should I be worried? Probably. From the corner of my eyes, I can see Roman fidgeting nervously with his hands - a behavior he must have picked up from me - glancing at over occasionally, when he thinks I'm not paying attention, with a look that I don't want to deconstruct.

The way his eyes light up when Logan enters is unmissable, and suddenly the old Roman is back, brimming with confidence and ease. It is quite reminiscent of the old times, hitting me with a pang of remorse. Would I ever feel like my old self again?

"Virgil," Logan says, a strange mix of slight annoyance and strong relief in his voice. Dread washed over me like an icy chill as it dawned on me that he would be interrogating me, expecting me to admit my feelings.

My suspicions were confirmed when Logan spoke next,

"What went through your mind?"

I pulled my jacket over me more, a form of security, yet raised my head as a feeble sign of resistance. 'You don't scare me, you don't scare me,' I repeated through my head, a mantra that would hopefully give me confidence.

"I don't know." I answered honestly, feigning as much confidence as I could physically muster. I feel like my conversations with everyone were just going around in circles, but I really didn't have anything else to say. At least anything I wanted to say.

Roman, who'd miraculously kept quiet this whole time, finally spoke up.

"You know what it probably was? Those people who used to bully him in the cafeteria!" he shouted in a fit of rage. That stumped me for a moment, as I realised that I hadn't thought of those people for ages. They once dominated my whole world, however now I realised how insignificant they really were. It took me a moment to realise that they were both looking at me, waiting for a response to a question I'd obviously missed.

"What?" I muttered, worried that I'd let my confident, secure act drop. They're going to kick me out of Thomas's mind. They're going to think I'm Unstable.

"I just asked whether what Roman said was true," Logan responded, raising his eyebrows. Oh right.

"No, it's not," I replied, debating whether or not to say more.

"Can you elaborate?" he egged, and I could tell my cryptic responses were frustrating him. It wasn't a matter if I can, because physically I would be able to, it was a matter if I would. Would I let them see the insecure side of me I tried so desperately to hide?

"I..." I began, as if against my will, before trailing off. I tried again, sensing their eyes in me and wanting this session to be over as soon as possible. And I knew that to do that, I needed to answer their questions.

"I just felt like I needed to do it. Jump, I mean." I whispered, feeling more vulnerable than I had in a while. And again, I could feel their eyes on me, and I didn't miss Roman's sharp inhale. I could sense almost exactly what they were thinking. That I was losing it.